I don't know what's wrong. I just feel so empty. Like there's really something huge that's missing. I tried shaking off that bad vibes by playing games. I thought it will go away… and that I just need a diversion. I was wrong.
What I'm feeling right now, it's something deeply rooted. It's caused by running away from my fears and blocking them off subconsciously. Now, they're running after me… trying to peel every layer of pretense I kept for safety.
Will there be solace after this? I don't think so. Is it time to face them and give in to the insanity they're about to give me?
Only time can tell… As of now, I chose to run faster.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Sunday, May 3, 2009
ang sumpa
may sumpa ata ako. di lang sa aspeto ng lecheng pag-ibig. pati ata mga taong malalapit sa akin. apektado ng sumpa..
tatlong bf ko dati, namatay thru different accidents. parang ang weird. lahat sila nakita kung paano ako in my super happy state.. and in my deepest depression. ang masaklap lang dun, they never lasted. ironic pa nga kasi one died on christmas eve.
now my bestfriends. my guy bestfriend took his own life a few years ago. nagbigti sya upon knowing na buntis yung wife nya na at that time ay napagbuhatan nya ng kamay. di raw niya kinaya yung guilt.
the latest one, si coleen. she lives on her own and minsan, dinadalaw ko. a few months ago, she met this wonderful guy. steady date sila kahit the guy has clearly no plans on being serious. ikaw ba naman ang 27 y/o na, college pa rin.
i've been really vocal in showing my disgust over that guy. walang pangarap, masaya na sa pag-asa sa parents nya. then, a couple of weeks ago, coleen told me she's pregnant. tinanong ko siya about david's reaction. sabi nya, di nya alam. di na sinasagot nung guy yung calls, text messages, and emails nya.
since then, nagkaroon ng severe depression si coleen. nakausap ko siya nung friday and she wanted me to stay in her house... natatakot daw siya sa gabi. i brushed them off, thinking that her fears will be gone the minute she drinks her anti-depressants. it didn't.
past 4am, saturday morning, she was begging me to be there. kaya lang, me katangahan akong nagawa nung friday before going to work kaya hindi ako nakapunta sa kanya. pagdating ko sa bahay, before 6am, i received a text message from her yaya. nag suicide daw si coleen.
ang hirap isipin.. masakit mawalan ng kaibigan..
lalo ko tuloy na-confirm:
may sumpa nga ako.
tatlong bf ko dati, namatay thru different accidents. parang ang weird. lahat sila nakita kung paano ako in my super happy state.. and in my deepest depression. ang masaklap lang dun, they never lasted. ironic pa nga kasi one died on christmas eve.
now my bestfriends. my guy bestfriend took his own life a few years ago. nagbigti sya upon knowing na buntis yung wife nya na at that time ay napagbuhatan nya ng kamay. di raw niya kinaya yung guilt.
the latest one, si coleen. she lives on her own and minsan, dinadalaw ko. a few months ago, she met this wonderful guy. steady date sila kahit the guy has clearly no plans on being serious. ikaw ba naman ang 27 y/o na, college pa rin.
i've been really vocal in showing my disgust over that guy. walang pangarap, masaya na sa pag-asa sa parents nya. then, a couple of weeks ago, coleen told me she's pregnant. tinanong ko siya about david's reaction. sabi nya, di nya alam. di na sinasagot nung guy yung calls, text messages, and emails nya.
since then, nagkaroon ng severe depression si coleen. nakausap ko siya nung friday and she wanted me to stay in her house... natatakot daw siya sa gabi. i brushed them off, thinking that her fears will be gone the minute she drinks her anti-depressants. it didn't.
past 4am, saturday morning, she was begging me to be there. kaya lang, me katangahan akong nagawa nung friday before going to work kaya hindi ako nakapunta sa kanya. pagdating ko sa bahay, before 6am, i received a text message from her yaya. nag suicide daw si coleen.
ang hirap isipin.. masakit mawalan ng kaibigan..
lalo ko tuloy na-confirm:
may sumpa nga ako.
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