mumbles and rattles

formspring.me

2011-07-03T12:14:00.001+08:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/rwetha

formspring.me

2011-07-02T23:32:00.001+08:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/rwetha

Team Building

2010-03-02T07:00:00.002+08:00

Last Feb 26, me and my team mates went to Zambales for our team building. We spent weeks planning the said event and was even at the brink of having our team building at Pansol, Laguna.. hehe. Good thing, we were able to push through with our Zambales trip.

Some of the preparations included bringing our own tents. We planned to camp by the beach and do activities there. We even planned to drink alcohol while we're circling the bonfire. There's about 20pax so we decided to divide the team into 2.. The first half would go with Ann, the remaining will ride with Albert.

Now for what really happened:

Feb 26, Friday... After work, we waited for Ann's hubby so we could start our trip. We left Shaw Blvd. at past 6pm... I think it was almost 7. We first stopped at Marilao. I don't know the name of that place but there's Burger King, Delifrance, Henlin, etc. there... I opted to eat at Delifrance because I've been craving for pasta. :D

After dinner, we went back to the road, with us following Ann's vehicle. Somewhere in Pampanga, we stopped because Albert noticed some problem with his Adventure. When we reached a Petron station near Subic (or was it at Subic already?), we were told that we have to take the bus to Zambales because Albert's car might not make it to Iba, Zambales.

A few calls happened and the owner of the resort sent someone to pick us up from Petron station (the resort was owned by the family of Albert's friend). From that station to the resort, it was almost 2 hours travel time. It was already dark and it's already 2AM when we reached the resort.

As soon as we arrived, we took our bags, put them in the cottage we rented, and then we went to the beach to set up our tents. My tent's big enough to accomodate 4pax. I shared it with Joy and Kaye. We then started the fire for our bonfire. I never knew it's hard to start up a fire. The guys tried it first but they left us without having our bonfire started. So it was left to us girls to start the fire.

We used up a lot of paper, a lot of breath, and a lot of bamboo to get the fire started. We were so happy when we finally got the fire blazing. Yay!!

After setting up the tent and our bonfire, we went back to the cottage to eat. As soon as we've eaten, most of my team mates went to sleep! What happened to drinking near the bonfire and sleeping in our tents??? Na-da!

Since it's still dark, we decided to drink near our tents and bonfire. I went to the beach with Joy, Kaye, and Ate Riza. With 2 bottles of The Bar Orange Vodka, and Sprite, we head on to the beach and started drinking. After a while, Ann came with her hubby. Some pictures were taken and before the sun is up, we're already done with one bottle and decided to sleep.

Morning came. I was so excited that I immediately decided to go out and take a swim. But surprise, surprise! There's a big spider inside our tent. I'm afraid of it. Hence I was screaming and woke up Joy and Kaye. Kaye hit the spider with her slippers and Joy was a little irritated at me. After that, they went back to sleep while I went to the washroom for my morning rituals.

When I got back, Joy and Kaye were no longer there. I looked at the beach and saw two of my teammates already in the water. I went swimming with them, without any sunblock! A few hours after swimming, other teammates came and we then started with games such as Tug-of-War and Sack Race.

As the games ended, I felt like I'm gonna lose consciousness 'coz of the heat. With that, I asked Joy to accompany me back to the beach, to somehow cool myself. While in the water, our teammates decided to go snorkeling for just 50Php each.

I went with them and we first went into an underwater cave. I'm not that good in swimming. I'm actually afraid of the water so it was some struggle for me to leave the boat and get into the water. After some time, Manong, said that there's a black beach somewhere. And if we want, we could go there for an additional fee of 50Php.

We agreed to go there and it was another long boat ride. Alas! The black beach looks so barren and deserted. The sand isn't sand at all. It's like pebbles all over, the type that you put in your aquarium. There's more!! There's a lot of creatures in the water --- jellyfish and some sort of worm-like creatures that I've mistaken for a snake! Freaky!!!

Since it's obvious that none of us enjoyed the black beach, we went back to the underwater cave, this time, on the other side where it's much deeper. After soaking for almost an hour, we went back to the resort.

We had lunch, had shower and then drank Red Horse, and Gilbey's Premium. We also spent the afternoon singing songs via Videoke that would hang after every song! Personally, I don't know what came over me... My choice of songs (that I would ask my teammates to sing for me) are all "Sunday morning" songs - Hard Habit to Break, Make it Real, Insensitive... Damn!

Then came another bad news, Albert's vehicle is not yet fixed and we might stay until 9PM that Saturday. We were given the option to stay and wait for it to be fixed or commute back to Manila. We opted to stay. About 4PM, we were told that it's fixed already so we commuted from Iba, Zambales to Olongapo.

Iba, Zambales to Olongapo is costly. It's 134Php already, excluding the tricycle from the resort to the terminal. When we reached Olongapo, we went back to Petron station where Ann and the others were waiting for us. Know what, we were stopped twice by traffic enforces due to traffic violations! Aside from that misfortune, Joy and Kaye forgot their paper bag. Inside it were their shoes and the clothes they wore swimming early that day! Nice trip, 'ayt?

It's another long trip back to Manila. I was too tired that I get to sleep after the first toll. I woke up when we're already in Balintawak. We reached Philcoa by past 12AM.

There's a lot of other stories while we're there. But I don't want to post them 'coz I might get pissed again. It was a good trip, with bad luck/misfortunes on the side.

formspring.me

2010-02-18T19:33:00.001+08:00

If you could change your name, what would you change it to?

I'd change it to Raye. I hate Arlhene.. It's too feminine. :D

Ask me anything

formspring.me

2010-02-08T19:50:00.001+08:00

What was your favorite book as a child?

my favorite book as a child... it's the count of monte cristo. :)

Ask me anything

formspring.me

2010-01-07T19:43:00.001+08:00

Why fiery waters ?

I'm obsessed with the idea of pushing something to the extreme. Can water be as blazing as it's opposite element, fire? Can fire be as warm and soothing like water? Of course, this is just my opinion, this is my POV regarding fire and water.. :)

Ask me anything

formspring.me

2010-01-07T19:22:00.001+08:00

Which is better Facebook or Myspace ?

I used to love myspace coz I get to practice HTML on it.. heheh.. but right now, i'd go to facebook 'coz most of my friends abandoned myspace already. :D

What inspires you?What perspires you ?=)

I'm inspired by sadness and darkness. What perpires me? - Anger.. and deep-seethed loathing.

Ask me anything

formspring.me

2010-01-06T22:10:00.001+08:00

Rakista.com member you hate the most ?

Anyone who knows me know who I didn't like at Rakista.com... I don't like her. But it's not enough to hate her.

Ask me anything

formspring.me

2010-01-06T22:04:00.001+08:00

What's your dream tattoo?

Crescent moon inside the sun.. or a water nymph holding a fireball. :)

Ask me anything

formspring.me

2010-01-06T19:24:00.001+08:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/rwetha

formspring.me

2010-01-05T18:44:00.003+08:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/rwetha

formspring.me

2010-01-05T18:44:00.001+08:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/rwetha

formspring.me

2010-01-05T18:43:00.003+08:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/rwetha

formspring.me

2010-01-05T18:43:00.001+08:00

What do you think is your most attractive feature?

My eyes.. coz it's relatively small and I can make it look scary/sleepy if I want to.. he he

What's your dream car?

Chevrolet - any model... I don't know that much about cars. :D

Ask me anything

Closing In...

2009-11-01T22:39:00.003+08:00

As of today, err... tonight, I am closing in my blogspot blog..

I will focus more on my other blog... It's hard to link posts and then have my visitors refer to my new site.

Anyway, thanks for dropping by and linking my page to yours.
If I was not able to put your link on my other blog, pls send me a message there.

My new site can be found by clicking the banner at the right side of this page..

Again, thanks. See you. :)

Long Lost

2009-10-31T15:59:00.000+08:00

It felt good to talk with him again. It's been months since we last called each other. I missed my third angel so much.

So, last night, when he called, it was like we've never talked for years. The call lasted until almost 4 am... Hence, I still feel so sleepy..

I'm glad he'll come visit me again come December. I can't wait to see him, his wife and their baby... :)

Deja Vu

2009-10-24T17:24:00.001+08:00

I don’t know if it’s a part of my gift. I often have dreams that come true. Literally. For someone who thinks each dream has both a literal and symbolic meaning, deja vu still remains to be a mystery for me.

A few years ago, I get to dream of discussing some event proposal. It’s choosing which supplier we should choose for an exhibit. I was discussing it with people I don’t know. That time, my work is all about documentation. So I shrugged off that dream.

Last month, while busily rendering hours for my OJT, my dream came true. We were discussing about our upcoming exhibit and were gathering proposals for booths, carpets, etc. The conversation, the actions – it’s all what I dreamed of years ago.

I’ve experienced a lot of déjà vu already. Up to now, I’m still figuring out if it is déjà vu per se or was it because of my gift? Whatever it is, I just hope that one particular would never happen in real life.

Drinks for Halloween

2009-10-20T22:05:00.003+08:00

Since it's gonna be Halloween soon and there might be a lot of parties for that season, I posted some drinks that is in line with Halloween...

Pls visit my site to see the mixes.

Cheers and bottom's up! :D

A Dream

2009-10-18T12:34:00.000+08:00

I saw him in my slumber. I could see his lips move but can’t hear what he’s saying. He’s trying to tell me something. Only I couldn’t seem to understand. I’ve become deaf to his pleas.

When he finished, he turned his back and started to walk away. I could see myself running after him but the distance’s still the same. I can’t catch up. I fainted in the dream. When I regained consciousness, I saw doors, a lot of them.

Read the whole post here.

Fantasy and/or Reality

2009-10-16T15:39:00.002+08:00

Do you believe in fantasies?
Or do you only believe in what's real?

Do you think fantasies destroy one's reality?
Or does it give a different touch to the world we live in?

Read my latest post about reality and fantasy.
Click here.

Reasons for Marrying

2009-10-14T16:09:00.002+08:00

I'm not yet married.. but two of my friends are soon to be husbands.
I don't think they should marry yet.

Read the reason why and my thoughts about their reasons for marrying here.

If the Shoe Fits

2009-10-13T22:18:00.001+08:00

I hoped to be just like her:
She can make you smile.
She's on top of your list.

I wished to be her:
Whenever you look at her in the eye
And everytime you hold her hand.

...

For you, I can only take her place
If the shoe fits.

read my full post here.

Alak at Love

2009-10-12T08:42:00.002+08:00

Nakakalasing pala 'yung pag-ibig no? Yung alak kapag wala, parang gustong-gusto mong sumayad sa lalamunan mo. Yung love pag wala, parang gusto mong ma-in love.

Pag may alak naman... (basahin ang kabuuan dito.)

Sariling Mundo

2009-10-10T00:14:00.001+08:00

May sarili akong mundo. Yan ang madalas na kumento tungkol sa akin. Madalas daw kasi akong tahimik. At tila laging nag-iisip.

...

Basta ang alam ko, nanahimik ako kapag nag-iisip. Nag-iisip ako kapag gusto kong isaayos ang mga plano ko. O di kaya'y may ideyang pumasok sa isipan ko at kailangang "plantsahin" bago ko iyon isulat.

...

Di lahat ng nananahimik ay ganun. Isa pa, wala silang karapatang sabihan ako ng ganun dahil hindi pa naman nila napapasok ang mundo ko.

Ang buong post ko ay mababasa dito.

At Lost

2009-10-05T11:12:00.002+08:00

Everyone experienced reaching a crossroad.
It's at this point where we can't seem to decide which one to take.

I'm currently at lost and have posted a blog about it.
Read my post here.

New Home..

2009-10-01T18:55:00.003+08:00

Sorry if I keep redirecting everyone to my new home. By the end of October, I will stop posting blogs here.

Anyway, I have new posts. Pls visit my new home to read them.

Beautiful Alone - thoughts, rants, raves
Cafe Pucci - coffee mix
Cafe Royal Frappe - coffee mix

Benefit Concert for Ondoy

2009-09-30T16:48:00.003+08:00

Ang Bagyo

2009-09-29T18:30:00.002+08:00

Nag-post ako ng experiences namin about sa huling bagyong dumating..

Sana di kayo kasama sa mga nasalanta.

Paki-basa na lang Ang Bagyo.

Salamat!! :D

Dreams and Inner Wishes

2009-09-26T15:05:00.001+08:00

I've set up a deadline for the month of September. I'm actually reluctant to set one. Especially because it's about a part of me that I've kept underneath.

...

Was it just a dream meant to remind me of my deadline? Or was it a dream that was supposed to show my innermost desires?

-*-*-*-

Full post here.

http://fierywaters.webs.com/apps/blog/show/1818023-dreams-and-inner-wishes

Of L and H

2009-09-24T00:57:00.001+08:00

...

I've been fighting a war that's been inside me for years. I learned to be a cynic. A thinker. Cold. Hard. A thinking machine.

I'm just afraid. I'm just using my brain. Cons weighed heavier than the pros. And if I have to write them all down, he can't still understand.

...

Read the whole post here.

...raye-emo-mode...

Of Destiny and Choices

2009-09-22T22:24:00.001+08:00

Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
Do you think we're all destined to do something?

Read my full post at: http://fierywaters.webs.com/apps/blog/show/1794329-of-destiny-and-choices

Com Cycle

2009-09-21T19:47:00.001+08:00

Do you love to talk?
Are you good at it?

Do you listen to the one talking?
Or do you just shrug it off?

Read my latest post about a particular communication cycle..

New..

2009-09-17T23:07:00.002+08:00

Are you the type who prepares? Or do you always find yourself cramming to meet a deadline?
Just recently, I posted about a deadline I've set for myself.
Read my deadline.

-*-

Do you have a friend who can tell you things honestly, even if it's going to hurt you?
Well, I have a friend like that. And he can really make me tick.
Earlier, we talked for more than an hour when he said something that made me think, in relation to my deadline.
So now, I'm still thinking about what he said. TG I have a friend like him!
A brutally honest guy who can say things that I've been ignoring. Read it here.

I Hate Mondays!

2009-09-15T21:36:00.001+08:00

I hate Mondays. It used to be "I hate Tuesdays!" coz of the reports at work.

But right now, I am hating monday.

Why? Read it here.

an update...

2009-09-14T01:15:00.003+08:00

finished my own site at webs.com...
i'm also done with the site for my OJT.

next thing on the list? relearn scripts.. etc.

oh, and for the month of september, i'm giving myself freedom...

freedom to fall, feeling with my heart, and not reasoning with my mind.
if this month ends without me falling, then falling is definitely off my list this year.

it has to wait until 2010. ayt?

Takot Ako

2009-09-10T16:37:00.003+08:00

May kinakatakutan pa rin talaga ako. Akala ko, unti-unti kong mahaharap lahat ng takot ko. Hindi pala. Hindi pala lahat ng takot ay dapat harapin. May ibang kailangang ipagpaliban muna.

Takot ako sa pusa. Dati, makarinig lang ako ng "meow" nito, natitigilan ako. Kapag may dumaan sa harapan ko, napapahinto ako. Hanggang ngayon, ganun pa rin. Pero ngayon, kaya ko ng dumiretso kapag nakakita ako nito. Naaalis ko na ba ang mga takot ko sa pusa? Pwedeng oo, pwedeng hindi. Siguro, ayos lang sa akin ang makita o makarinig ng huni niya. Wag lang siyang lalapit, ibang usapan na yun.

Takot din pala ako sa dugo. Hematophobic ako. Ito ang rason bakit hindi ako sa larangan ng medisina kahit gusto ko yun. Makakita lang ako ng dugo, hinihimatay ako... Kahit nga nung naglaslas ako, mainit sa pakiramdam ang paglabas niya sa aking katawan... pero nung nakita ko na ang dugo ko sa sahig, hinimatay ako. Huling pagtatangka, pasko ng taong 2002...

At ang isa sa nakapagdudulot sa akin ng matinding takot? Hindi hayop, bagay, o pangyayari. Sa katunayan, muli akong sinasaniban ng takot. Bumalik kasi siya. Siya na ilang beses ko nang iniwasan at tinaguan. Muling nauulit ang siklo naming dalawa.

Kung hanggang kailan itong takot ko, wala akong ideya. Ayoko siyang harapin. Masyadong masakit at nakakatakot ang mga nagawa niya dati sa akin.

Kung bakit pa kasi nangyari yun, di sana, kaibigan ko pa rin siya hanggang ngayon. Di sana ako tulad sa isang daga na kung saan-saang lungga pumapasok.

Mga Saloobin...

2009-09-02T23:47:00.002+08:00

Kapag pinakawalan, di na babalikan. Tingin ko kasi, kung aayos naman lahat, bakit kailangang pakawalan pa, di ba?

Di lahat ng nakikilala mo, mananatili sa tabi mo. May iba kasing dumadating lang para turuan ka at bigyan ng leksiyon... Kaya parang ang hirap mahulog e. Baka kasi mahulog ka sa isang taong dumaan lang pala.

Ang hirap palang pigilan kung sino ka talaga. Ilang maskara man ang suot mo, may mga taong makikita kung anong ikinukubli nun.

*Sana bago nila ako hinusgahan at sinabihan ng kung anu-ano, sinubukan nila akong kausapin at kilalanin... Sana bago ko siya pinili, inalam ko muna lahat. *

Some More Thoughts...

2009-09-01T02:36:00.002+08:00

There's no such thing as gray area. It's either black or white.

Is the person you're with meant to stay with you? Or he's just supposed to teach you?

When in love, is it: More heart, less thinking?
Or was it: More thinking, less feeling?

My Karma

2009-08-29T20:24:00.002+08:00

I chose to leave him. Reasons ruled over feelings.

Call my reasoning twisted. But the minute I learned the truth about him made me instantly think of my friends... and the other people that might benefit from me leaving him.

It was a hard decision. It took a lot of courage. And it was hard to fight back the emotions that's building up inside. I had to restrain myself from reaching out to him and tell him what I really feel about him.

He's my karma. The one I chose to love and leave behind... 'coz reasons weighed heavier than feelings.

Kagabi, sa Bar...

2009-08-28T13:52:00.002+08:00

Panggabi ang schedule ko sa resto-bar kung saan ako nag-o-OJT. Habang naghihintay ng trabaho, tumatambay kami sa likod nung bar, open area, kita lahat ng tao sa paligid. Habang humihithit ako ng yosi, tinawag kami nung isa naming kasamang lalaki. Apparently, he was watching yung eksena sa labas ng bar, dun malapit sa ilog.

Mag-syota. Nagtatalo. Naglalakad sila tapos biglang tumalikod at tumakbo yung babae. Naka-heels s'ya na pwedeng dahilan kung bakit mabilis siyang naabutan nung lalaki. Hinatak nung guy si girl, sinampal ni girl si guy. And the next thing we saw was the guy slapping the girl back.

Grabe yun, parang kami mismong nanonood nung eksena ay hindi makapagpigil. Gusto nga nung mga kasama kong lalaki na bumaba ng bar at puntahan yung mag-syota. Kitang-kita kasi namin kung paano hatak-hatakin at tila ibalibag nung lalaki yung babae. The girl tried to fight back but the guy pinned her to a cement post. Yun nga lang, mapapagalitan kami. Naka-duty pa kasi kami e. Wala rin yung isang guard na nagroronda sa lugar.

Bakit kaya may mga babaeng natitiis yung pananakit ng mga jowa nila? Di pa nga sila kasal, nagagawa na siyang saktan, what more pa kapag tumuloy dun di ba? Naaawa ako sa babaeng yun kagabi. Pero nawala yung awa ko nung nakita kong magkaakbay pa silang umalis kagabi. Parang walang nangyaring sakitan... Tsk. Tsk.

Kung Hindi Pa...

2009-08-25T16:05:00.003+08:00

kung di pa ako nasubsob, di ko magagawang maglakad ng marahan. di pala lahat ng bagay nadadaan sa mabilisan. may mga bagay palang dapat hinay-hinay lang.

kung di pa ako nauntog, di ko maiisip na unti-unti ko palang sinasayang buhay ko. alak, yosi, gimik... parang walang bukas. di pala dapat ganun.

panghuli, kung di ka pa dumating, malamang, hedonist pa rin ako... overusing my freedom and seizing each day as if there's no tomorrow.

salamat sa pagpatid at pag-untog sa akin. ikaw ang karma ko. karmang di pwedeng talikuran.

bakit pa? eh i'm hooked na.

Tarot Reading 3

2009-08-22T10:09:00.004+08:00

Got another set of tarot reading... This time, I got Reflection, Temperance, and Empress.
Scroll down to read what each card means.

Context - Reflection
Now is the time for deep introspection. Slip into a quiet place and do some soul searching. Reflection represents the time to examine yourself on deep spiritual and emotional levels. This card may also signify the need for some me time to regroup from a tring experience or loss that has left some part of you drained.

Focus - Temperance
The Temperance card represents balance. All things must be in balance for the outcome to materialize. The appearance of this card in the deck may indicate some loose ends that need to be completed so some outcome can be realized!

Outcome - Empress
The Empress is all about energy and flow and is the feminine card. A project started by the Fool is likely to come to fruition with the Empress on your side. This is a fertility card and not necessarily in the biological sense. This card provides the support and creativity to accomplish your innermost endeavor that has been on your mind.

Previous entry described what Context, Focus and Outcome is for. Read it here.

Emotions on the Run 2

2009-08-17T19:58:00.001+08:00

I had a lot of awful days last week. It kind of started okay… Laughter and peace dominated the first few days… Mid-week, I started getting bad news, one-by-one.

Thursday night, I thought things will be okay. Come Friday, I started to hate the entire week. I won’t go into much detail about it. But because of what happened that day, I am slowly losing respect for someone.

My weekend turned out to be semi-okay. Thanks to alcohol and friends, there’s not much whining… TG!

Love For Me

2009-08-11T17:50:00.001+08:00

A dream, a whim, a simple desire
A plea, a prayer, a silent wish
They're all inside, kept in the dark
Tiny rumblings of one's foolish heart.

To fall, to feel, to skip a thump
To want, to need, a faster beat
Can bring forth chaos if not serenity.
An erratic feeling amidst tranquility

One-Way

2009-08-11T17:43:00.002+08:00

An unrequited love begets undying devotion
A well thought lie can drown all the truth
Dreams and wishful thinking can be disastrous

A broken soul takes a lot of time to heal
A misplaced trust can you one's pain
Feelings when trampled, brings forth agony

Would you rather be wise but unhappy?
Or would you be a fool and be at ease?
Will you play it safe, let go when unsure?

Accept pain, learn through each mistake.
Take note of each lesson, avoiding repeat
This is love when like a one-way street...

*originally created last 12 November 2008*

Smoke-Free

2009-08-09T17:12:00.002+08:00

I have not smoked any cigarette for 3 days. Does this mean my smoker days are over?? Well, I kinda miss it. But some friends are keeping their fingers crossed!

Two years ago, I decided to stop it in an instant. I successfully did it for 2 days. On the third day, I started craving for a stick. I was not able to control myself.

Back then, I can only quit for 2 days. On the 3rd day, I'd begin to feel symptoms of withdrawal. This time, there's no withdrawal symptoms... No dry throat, no shaking. I just hope this would continue.

I think?

Nicotine Free

2009-08-07T21:03:00.002+08:00

I have not smoked any cigarette since yesterday.
Am I finally letting go of my smoking habit??

I hope not!

I have been smoking since high school.
And I plan to stop after a year or two.

Tomorrow, if the whole day would pass without me craving for any stick, even a small puff...
I'm sure to stop smoking!

Keep Your Distance!

2009-08-02T21:51:00.006+08:00

Last night, I was searching for random words at google. It has been a habit to check on some words, their history, meaning, etc. Words like hugging, people, personal space and bubble were just some of the things I typed at google.com's seach box. Then I came across this word: PROXEMICS.

According to one entry, Proxemics was introduced by one anthropologist, Edward T. Hall. It refers to the measurable distance between two interacting people. There are 4 delineations for same. They are:

Intimate Distance - close phase at less than 6 inches, far phase is from 6 to 18 inches
Personal Distance - close phase at 1.5 to 2.5 feet, far phase is at 2.5 to 4 feet
Social Distance - close phase is at 4 to 7 feet, far phase is from 7 to 12 feet
Public Distance - close phase is 12 to 25 feet, far phase is 25 feet or more

If we'd look at the distances, we can say that:

Intimate Distance - for people with good relations, possibly romantic because this is the most common distance for embracing, touching or whispering
Personal Distance - distance for good friends
Social Distance - for acquaintances
Public Distance - usually used for public speaking

Now, Proxemics vary with one's culture. A personal distance for one can already be an intimate distance to another.

So, if you happen to find yourself in the company of someone who drives you away to be at least 2-3 feet far from them, try not to be angry at them. For all we know, we're just making them uncomfortable with the short distance. You wouldn't want them to think you're intrusive, right?

As for me, you might make the distance a bit bigger. I become uneasy whenever someone's within my personal bubble.

source: http://www.absoluteastronomy.com/topics/Proxemics#encyclopedia

Ho-Hum 3

2009-08-01T17:05:00.002+08:00

I can't find the right words to express my thoughts.
I'm preoccupied with a lot of ideas.
I've planned to sort them out today.
Guess what?

My baby sister's been bugging me with a lot of her childish drawings.
More like scribbles and stick figures of her playmates.

Hayst... :(

Another Tarot Reading

2009-07-29T18:41:00.006+08:00

A month ago, I had my first Tarot reading... (see related post here)

Earlier today, I had another reading. This time, it's from a long lost friend... Like the previous one, this reading involves another 3 cards...

-*-

Context (left) - This card reflects the general over view of your present situation.

Focus (middle) - This card reflects a new set of circumstances that are about to or just have presented themselves to you. This is your central issue at this time.

Outcome (right) - This card reflects the outcome of the Focus Card. The results of your problems solving/decision making.

Context - The Hermit
The faint light from the Hermit's lamp can easily be lost in the darkness unless you quiet yourself and seek it out. You need patience at this point in your life, in order to recognize your personal limitations. Take a break and take stock of the situation from the sidelines. This can be a time to finally reap the rewards from your work, or just a chance to catch your breath. Have some patience, and when you see the Hermit's light, you will know it is time to move forward again.

Focus - Ace of Pentacles
Business and finance are in the forefront with the Ace of Pentacles, and something unexpected is on its way. Business opportunities, gifts or some other form of material abundance is about to present itself. This gift will only be the start of something larger, so make sure to keep your eye on the bigger picture. Money can not buy happiness, but right now it just might put a smile on your face.

Outcome - The Chariot
Ambition can be the driving force behind any journey, but can also be your downfall. You can't let your ambitions blind you to what is right in front of you. When this card appears, you need to temper your enthusiasm or else your aggression to succeed will ultimately lead to failure. Channel your energy positively and make your choices with a cool head. Like the chariot driver must control his horses, you also have to rein in your own passions. A strong will can easily get out of hand.

-*-

Like the previous one, this reflects my current path. I am now threading a path towards an ambition - a future that I envisioned myself in. Hopefully, I can pass this road unscathed.

My Cravings

2009-07-27T19:03:00.002+08:00

Last week was a busy one for me. As such, I turned to food for comfort. :)

Monday, I started by craving for garlic bread... I don't know why but I kinda missed the smell and taste of garlic in my mouth.

Last Tuesday, my mom bought muffins... Though I was not that hungry that time, I ate 3. I even asked for muffins the next day.. :D

Come Wednesday, I was indulging myself with buko juice... Grated coconut meat with it's juice and water plus milk... Yummy! *lol*

Thursday night, I asked my sister for some bread and Chicken sandwich.. And then Coke (Coca-cola, not cocaine)... I had 2 big servings of Chicken sandwich and 500ml Coke. *he he*

Come Friday, I was craving for Calamares... but since it's Friday, I was told not to have any meat (even though it's not the Lenten season!)... I replaced the craving for calamares with 2 bags of chips and a whole tub of dip...

Saturday, I had kwek-kwek - hard-boiled quail eggs coated in flour and then Iced Tea. The next day, my mom asked her aunt to cook biko for us... Apparently, my youngest sister was craving for one. :)

Today, I finally fulfilled another craving... I've had Calamares and kwek-kwek... And then black gulaman. *yum.. yum..*

I felt relieved and happy... My cravings always make me feel so good... I think this is one of the reason why I'm gaining a lot of weight - uncontrollable cravings for unhealthy food.

Right now, I'm actually craving for a whole platter of lasagna... I wonder who can buy one for me? *lol*

Last Week

2009-07-27T18:45:00.003+08:00

I've been busy last week in my training for bar tending. We've had our competition last week and our goal was to make 20 mixes in 15 minutes. Since I'm in no mood to memorize a lot of mixes, I was just able to make 15 mixes. Not bad since most of the mixed drinks I made requires shaking them...

Aside from that bar tending thingy, I decided to read all top ten entries in Chico Garcia's blog site. I'm a fan of RX 93.1 and Chico and Delle so I always make it a point to listen every morning from 6:00-10:00 AM, Monday til Friday (before it's 6:00-9:00AM, Monday til Saturday). If I'm not mistaken, the last entries I've read was mid-May... so there's quite a lot of blogs/top ten entries to read. I finally finished them last Saturday.

Then, I decided to review. I have already started making a reviewer but the lure of television and internet made me stop from doing one. I ended up covering only half of what I should read/review for our exam today. The result? Blank answers and most of my answers were mere guesses. *lol*

There's still two more exams before our graduation in Hotel and Restaurant Services. So I have to do good on the remaining exams to redeem myself.. he he

Life Outside Maersk

2009-07-22T18:58:00.002+08:00

This post is in response to Mish's message in my cbox...

This week is the start of my official non-working week. My resignation was effective July 15 but I had to go back to finish my clearance...

Initially, I planned to go on vacation this week. But last Saturday, I had a changed of heart. Actually, I have been changing some of my plans and recently acted impulsively.

This week, I'm busy with my class. The last day of training will be on August 21 and graduation will be on August 25. I'm enjoying the training especially now that we're mixing spirits, etc.

As of now, I still don't have any idea where to work or whether I want to be in an office again. All I know for now is that I'm happily threading this new path. I am enjoying myself. :)

Oh, I miss my friends at Maersk... Anyway, I'll see them when it's time.. :)

My Guardian Angel...

2009-07-21T16:47:00.004+08:00

Ariel

Ariel means "lion of God" and is often associated with lions. When Ariel is near you, you may begin seeing references to or visions of lions around you. Ariel is also associated with the wind. Ariel works closely in conducting manifestation, spirit releasement and Divine magic. Ariel also oversees the sprites, the nature Angels associated with water. Ariel is involved with healing and protecting nature, including animals, fish and birds. If you find an injured bird or other wild animal that needs healing, call upon Ariel for help. Ariel also works closely with Raphael to heal animals in need. Archangel Ariel is known as the Angel of Healing and New Beginnings. Ariel shows you how to feel and see the energy of life. Makes you more sensitive for unseen, nature spirists, elves, laws of nature. He brings to you the message that you have to learn to let things go when they are not working good for you anymore. Destruction of things that are toxic and overwhelmig for you. End is a natural thing, every end is a new beginning. Nothing new cannot start without letting the old go. Its The Wind of Change.

-*-

He's the result when I took one quiz... Well, I kinda thought my guardian angel was Uriel... :D

My List

2009-07-19T18:42:00.003+08:00

Now that I've resigned, I'm going to do the stuffs on my list... One by one..

Resume blogging.. Be active again.
Take up Bartending
Work in a bar or hotel
Make portraits again
Do tribal shirt designs
Get another tattoo

As of now, I'm done with the first one... and I'm currently doing my second one... The third will follow after graduation.

As for the bottom three, once I get the design I want for my backpiece, I'll have another tattoo... D*mn! I'm really excited! *lol*

Sober...

2009-07-18T22:04:00.003+08:00

Had a few drinks this afternoon. My classmates from bartending went here so we could practice mixing some drinks in preparation for an upcoming competition.

In less than 5 minutes, my chosen two was able to make 10mixes... I hope they can do that next week.

Even if we don't win that competition, as long we're not in last place, is already enough for me.

note:
I just had some Cuba Libre, Vodka Gimlet, Gin Tonic... and then Gran Matador.. lol...
I miss drinking! :D

Ho-Hum 2!

2009-07-17T22:20:00.002+08:00

Silence isn't the absence of sound. It's the absence of reason and understanding when things get rough.

Thoughts at My Previous Work

2009-07-16T19:45:00.002+08:00

I'm the type who loves to scribble/type whatever it is that's inside my head. Everywhere I go, I always have a small notebook and pen so I can write each idea that will pop.

I'll put 3 compositions, more of thoughts, that I typed while I was still working at Maersk. The following were written in Filipino, my native tongue.. :)

- 2008 March 31 -

Nagsasawa na ako sa buhay ko. Wala na kasing bago. Parang lahat na lang ng gawin ko, kulang.. Kung hindi naman, wala akong ginawang tama.

Makailang beses ko na bang tinangkang kitlin itong buhay ko? Pinigilan kong humiya, naglaslas ng pulso... Pati nga ang pekein ang isang aksidente sa motorsiklo, ginawa ko na. Lahat para lang wakasan lahat ng nararamdaman kong sakit, hirap... at higit sa lahat, kabiguan.

Duwag kasi ako. Takot ako sa lahat ng bagay na nakapagdudulot ng sakit. Duwag akong madapa ulit. Nagtatapang-tapangan lang ako para hindi nila ako masaktan. Nagsusuot ng maskara para walang makakita ng mga kahinaan ko...

Kagabi, muli kong pinangarap kung paano ang magiging wakas. Kahit sa magiging huling araw ko, may pangarap ako. Mababaw lang naman ang mga 'yun. Pero pangarap ko talaga na: makakain ng relyenong bangus mula umaga hanggang gabi, magpunta sa park para manood lang ng mga tao, tumakbo hanggang sa bumagsak na lang sa pagod... at higit sa lahat, ang hindi na muling magising pa galing sa pagtulog.

Oo, larawan ako ng isang tao na duwang at sawang-sawa na sa buhay. Patapon na ako kaya anuman ang gawin ko ay wala ng magbabago.

- 2008 April 19 -

Mahigit isang buwan na pala. Matagal na pala kaming hindi nag-uusap ng mga magulang ko. Anong masasabi ko? Masaya pala 'yon... Masaya dahil walang nakikialam sa'yo. Walang nagagalit. Kahit sa tingin ng iba, masama ang tikisin ang sariling magulang, mas gusto ko na ito kaysa lagi na lang masisi sa mga kasalanang 'di ko naman ginawa.

Sawa na kasi akong masisi. Sawa na akong marining kung paano akong nabuo, kung paano naging sila. Nakaririndi na kasi ang ganung mga pangungusap. May hangganan ang kaya kong intindihin...

Kaya ngayon, hirap ako. Hirap akong matulog. Hirap akong pagkasyahin 'yung sweldo ko. Hindi naman kasi pwedeng basta na lang kumuha ako sa nakatago. Mahirap ipaliwanag iyon eh.

Paano mo ipapaliwanang yung sa ibang paraan mo nakuha?

Kaya heto ako ngayon, nagpupumilit magpakasimple kahit nasanay sa maluhong pamumuhay. Sa dinami-dami ng luho ko, iilan na lang ang natitira... Ang sakit sa ulo. Higit sa lahat, ang hirap tanggapin...

- 2009 January 8 -

Bagong taon, bagong buhay. Bagong grupo, bagong mga kasama... Dapat masaya. Dapat walang mga pinagsisisihan. Kung ano ako ngayon ay epekto o resulta ng mga naging desisyon dati.

May mga plano ako ngayong taon. Mga planong 'di ko alam kung matutupad ko. Kasi ba naman, pinangungunahan ng kung anu-anong takot at kaba. Pwede kayang isantabi muna ang mga takot at harapin ng may lakas kung ano man ang parating?

Mas makabubuti kayang biglain ang pagkakataon para walang oras ng masayang sa pag-iisip? Napapansin ko kasing mas madalas na puro isip lang bago iyong mismong gawa. Kaya ang resulta? Wala... Sa kaiisip kasi nauubos ang oras ko eh!

There... 3 different dates... different thoughts, different rattles and rambles...

I'm Happy...

2009-07-15T22:59:00.001+08:00

I'm finally done with my clearance... *cheers!*
So now, it's gonna be training for me... Nice!

I will miss my Maersk colleagues and friends.
I will miss my batchmates.
I will miss my former managers.

But then...

I'm excited.
I'm looking forward to my future.
I'm finally doing the things in my list!

D*mn!

2009-07-14T23:37:00.001+08:00

Yes, I still need to go back tomorrow..
3 more signatures for my clearance (a different one!).

I'm so hating the process...

Good thing, one of my former colleague invited me to drink...

Thanks to Red Horse, though today's a d*mned day, I still feel good...

And tomorrow, it's another d*amn day!

Screwed!

2009-07-13T21:24:00.003+08:00

Ever had that feeling that nothing's going right and it's gonna be a very bad day? Well, though I'm happy 'coz of my forthcoming freedom, I felt so bad today.

I'm supposed to process my clearance from work today, but then 2 of my signatories were absent from work. Damn!

So tomorrow, I still have to go back to work... Just when I thought I am almost free to go...

Ho-Hum!

2009-07-11T17:49:00.001+08:00

I still have 2 more days...

My resignation from Maersk is effective July 15. Since I've already used all my Vacation Leave credits, I still have to report for work from July 13 to 14.

Actually, I don't want to go there anymore. I already find it too tiring to wake up early, go to school and then to work... Besides, there's nothing much to be done. I just need to ask 4-5 persons to have my clearance cleared.

As I'm slowly counting the days, I can't help but to feel both excitement and regret... Excitement 'coz I will now be able to focus more on my training.. Regret 'coz I won't be seeing some friends anymore.

I resigned to achieve my personal growth. But in going after that, I will be letting go of my work and leave some friends behind. :(

The 8th Day

2009-07-08T17:43:00.003+08:00

It's the 8th day of the month.. As usual, my mom asked her aunt to cook some pancit and biko... See, my youngest sister (only 4 y/o) was born on the 8th day of February. Every month, we make it a point to cook something for her... a sort of offering 'coz if we don't she gets sick... and each one of us will follow suit.

Since it's the 8th of the month, I remembered what happened almost 5 years ago. My mom asked me to buy her a pregnancy kit. Imagine my dilemma 'coz that time, I was acting like a guy. I was like: "There's no way I'm gonna buy that!". However, since I'm the eldest, I ended up still buying one for her.

Wearing an oversized shirtm, maong shorts and a baseball cap, I went to this small pharmacy. Inside, I whispered to the pharmacist/sales lady that I'm looking for pregnancy kit. I was so humiliated when she shouted at the her colleague, from the far end of the store, that I was buying a blue pregnancy kit! I hurriedly went home when she gave me one because I could hear some people whispering: "Tingnan mo yun, pa-tomboy tomboy pa kuno, malandi naman pala..."

When I got home, I narrated to my mom everything that happened inside that store. I swear, she was laughing so hard at me... Instead of showing how angry I was because of that incident, I immediately asked her to try the kit and see if she's really pregnant.

To cut the story short, my mom was 2 months pregnant that time. So I was always accompanying her to each of her monthly check ups. Aside from that, I was excited to have a baby sister or brother para maging kakampi ko.. *hehe*

8th of February 2005, a few weeks after my work started, my mom gave birth to a healthy baby girl who weighs 8.5lbs... We planned to video the whole giving birth thingy but my dad was against it. The next day, I went to the hospital after work and bought a cake to celebrate with my family. That night, all of us stayed in the hospital, each trying to carry the baby whenever she's taken out of the nursery room.

Now, my baby sister is already 4 years old. Stubborn like her older siblings but looks a lot like our dad. Right now, we're actually calling her JR (short for junior) because one of her name is the feminine form of my dad's name.. *hehe*

Unexpected Visitor

2009-07-06T14:58:00.003+08:00

I got an email from "Mitch" of Hisunglasses.com.. Since I personally don't know the sender and the site, I visited it.

I think it's an e-commerce site for sunglasses. Personally, I'm not fond of wearing one because of my poor eyesight. I'm wearing eyeglasses all the time (that's because my soft contact lenses already expired and I haven't had the time to buy another one).

Back to the site, it's all about sunglasses. Brands/collections were cataloged and the site shows a photo of each. I happen to get across one pair that I like.. It's Diesel Sunglasses 0006 S.. I love the color.

I don't know if I'll get one though. Aside from poor eyesight, my facial feature (read: my nose and oriental eyes) makes it difficult for me to get an eyewear I like and fits me perfectly.

If you're into sunglasses and collects different brands/models, you may want to check this site: http://www.hisunglasses.com

To Tweak or Not to Tweak

2009-07-05T23:29:00.002+08:00

I wanted to modify my page.. add a few more widget and modify my labels. However I am already tired and I still have a lot of things to do.

I haven't started yet on my blog about books... Hopefully, I can start doing it next week. As of now, I'm undecided...

Will I modify and add some widgets? Or should I leave this as is?

Bilin

2009-07-05T00:42:00.004+08:00

Spoiled ako at aminado ako dun. Dahil nga sa nasanay akong nakukuha lahat ng gusto ko, at kumilos ng wala sa edad ko, madalas akong pagbilinan ng kung anu-ano... Sa dinami-dami ng mga bilin na yun, ang mga sumusunod lang ang nag-iwan ng mga marka para sa akin:

"Things will be better in the morning" - Masarap isipin to lalo na kung problemado ka.. Sa gulo ng mundo ko, madalas akong sabihan ng ganito ng mga tropa ko. Pero di ko ito makakalimutan hindi dahil madalas itong sabihin sa akin. Madalas kong maalala ito dahil ito ang huling salita ni Mikail bago siya umalis..
"Walang pipigil sa'yong umiyak. Gawin mo kung sa tingin mo'y makabubuti ito sa'yo" - Hangga't maaari, ayokong ipakita ang kahinaan ko. Sa sandaling mapuno ako ay daig ko pa ang isang erupting volcano (I scream, I shout, I punch walls)... Simula nung natuto akong umiyak tuwing gabi (sa sulok ng aking kwarto), mas magaan ang pasok ng umaga.. parang bawat patak ng luha ay inilalabas ang anumang problema ko sa gabing yun...
"Kapag di ka na masaya sa isang bagay, pakawalan mo na. Kapag pinilit mo pang hawakan yan, ikaw lang ang masasaktan at mahihirapan" - Dahil dito, sa sandaling maramdaman ko ang lungkot/galit para sa isang tao, lugar o pangyayari, iniiwasan ko ito. Hindi dahil duwag akong harapin sila ha.. Di ko lang makita ang sense ng pag-stay sa isang bagay na di naman nakapagdudulot ng saya..
"One Satanic Rule: Don't open your mouth when you have nothing good to say" - Ayan, eto ang isa sa pinakamahirap na sundin.. Lalo pa nga't malakas akong mambasag, mangantyaw or manlait.. *hehe* Kahit sabihing Satanic Rule siya, may bahid naman ng katotohanan ang pahiwatig nya.

Ayan, ilan lamang yan sa mga laging ipinagbibilin sa akin... Tipong araw-araw, merong isa jan na laman ng text message sa akin.. Nakakatawa pero I'm starting to love 'em. Everyday guide na yung mga bilin na yan e.. *lol*

This Day's Rants...

2009-07-01T23:22:00.005+08:00

- I'm still a little dizzy tonight. Will I be able to have some good sleep? Or will I be awake 'til tomorrow morning?

- F***! I'm still in the second chapter of the book I'm currently reading. I always get sleepy reading Umberto Eco's Foucault's Pendulum. Will I be able to finish it this month?

- I'm craving for a super cold soft drinks... I ended up drinking just plain old iced tea 'coz of hyper acidity *as if Iced Tea isn't acidic at all!*.

- I'm frustrated tonight. A promise was not fulfilled... I was actually looking forward to that promise. *Damn!*

- I'm sick and frustrated. If only cursing can take away all these negative feelings...

Am I A Gamer?

2009-06-30T16:00:00.003+08:00

I got addicted playing Mafia Wars last May via Facebook. As if it's not yet enough, I started playing Heroes and Villains, Pirates of the Carribean, Crime Empires, Yoville, etc.

Now I spend most of my time playing these games.. Since I started playing Mafia Wars last May, I am now a level 223 Skilled Boss with 223 Mafia..

With that, am I considered a gaming addict? Hope not!

Another Reading

2009-06-29T16:40:00.002+08:00

Love:

If you are with someone; today will be a harmonious day with them. If you've been waiting to say something to that special someone, today is the day. Love is in the air!

Career:

Trust your first instinct, it's usually the right thing to do, and people will praise you for your decision.

Health:

You must be achieving your health goals, you're doing great!

Wealth:

You've been doing great keeping up with your financial obligations!

Let's see tomorrow if what's stated here is correct.. lol...

I'm happy and a little frustrated. But I'm positive that things will be okay soon...
I'm keeping my fingers crossed! :D

Emotions on the Run

2009-06-28T20:38:00.004+08:00

I felt tired and beat from all the problems I've been facing since last month..

I felt cheated when I learned of my friend's plan.. I'm not included! :(

I got angry coz my sister's being so damn difficult again!

I was frustrated when one of my plans for today did not pushed through.

I've been glad with the way my other friends were trying to reach out.

I was surprised coz I got the correct number of dolphins in the image posted at http://chorvacheorvamus.blogspot.com/...

---------------

Today's been full of emotions. I wonder what tomorrow will bring? Will there be happiness? Sadness? Remorse? Or will it be joyous? Hmnn..

Tarot Cards and Me

2009-06-27T23:30:00.004+08:00

I won't go that much into the details of what happened to me today. But to be honest, this was a fun day for me coz I get to see my high school barkada again (except Nikki and Alda).

While there, our discussion managed to find its way to occult sciences. Well, we were into witchcraft, sorcery, magic, magick and tarot cards way back. So when Karen showed us her new tarot cards, I asked her to give me a reading.

It's not the flashy or mystic type. It's just a general reading with three cards. She used the "Vertigo" Tarot Cards. If I remember it right, the images was inspired by Vertigo (a comicbook story).

Here are the cards I got...

The Devil

It was supposed to say the part I'm presently acting out or showing off.

From other sites, this card means the following:
Divinatory Meaning: The positive aspect of the devil is a healthy bond or commitment. If it's drawn with the question of marriage in mind, it's a good omen. In other cases however, the Devil is associated with lust and temptation and may mean a bondage to other things not so healthy for us such as additions, chemical abuse, drunk on power, or clinging to beliefs that do us more harm than good. There are also other kinds of bondage we can suffer from. This may be a case where we are fooling ourselves into believing something blatantly not good for us. An example might be thinking that getting drunk every night on red wine will make us live longer. If the Devil appears in your card, review the course you are on and make sure you're not following a course more out of lower emotions such as lust, greed or desire, versus higher ones like love and altruism.

Death

My helper, the second card came to be Death. So this second one symbolizes the end or "death" of an old way.

From one site, Death means:
Divinatory Meaning: Though this card is rarely about physical death, it is about change, renewal, transformation and abandonment of that which no longer serves us such as a relationship. Like time, we cannot escape this and it is a warning that we should be paying attention to what is happening in our lives. We should take a review of our life and take note of something that may need to be shed other than our worldly body. It can also have a spiritual connotation suggesting that we have to shed old beliefs before we can take on more enlightened one. We may be heading for a spiritual impasse and may have to look at what we consume, how we feel and think. If we can, then we're ready to take on more exotic passages into the underworld. Not all change is welcome so the negative aspect of this card can mean that we are fighting change and have become stagnant. It may mean the loss of an opportunity because we won't walk through that open door. It may mean the loss of a lover, friend, or family member.

The Hanged Man

The third card from my reading is my Teacher. The man was hanged upside-down, with his head illuminated by a light. I was told this means deeper understanding.. or divine.

From the same site where I got the first 2 meanings, this card symbolizes:
Divinatory Meaning: The hanged man is a card that relates to self-sacrifice in order to attain a higher spiritual goal. The upside down position can reflect that this person is an outcast of society and tends to follow his or her own inner voice. The fact that the man is suspended upside down can represent a time of transition, limbo or a pause in life until something or someone is sacrificed for the greater gain of others. This card has been linked to spiritual lives such as Christ's and the legends of Osiris where the destruction of the ego brings greater meaning and awareness to society. A negative slant on this card would represent poor health, a weakness of will, selfishness and a person who uses their self-sacrifice ways to become a martyr. It suggests patience and to watch out for paths that lead in a bad direction.

Since it was just a general reading, my friend did not go into any of it's meaning for me... Or what it brings for me. But if I'm gonna look at my current situation, plus what happened just recently, I will get the following generalizations:

1. I was branded as an activist at work simply because I don't just do what's being asked of me. I would reason out if needed. I will defend my direct reports if I deem necessary.

2. My resigning from work means death of an old way. I have been working there for more than 4 years and now I would have to set it aside and face a different world. I would also need to learn adapting to a new life.

3. I sacrificed my length of tenure in order to grow. Though my current job's already stable and the issues thrown at me did not pulled me down, I have let go of it just so I can experience a new life that may have been waiting for me outside Maersk.

So there, this is one lengthy blog and I am just trying to find meaning from my tarot reading. I don't do tarot reading as it's costly and it needs a lot of time to learn all the cards and what they mean altogether.. Honestly, I got inspired and may add learning how to read tarot cards in my to-do list.. :D

souce: http://www.psychic-experiences.com/psychic-articles/tarot-cards-major.php

An Update

2009-06-26T19:02:00.003+08:00

@work:
I have submitted my resignation letter.. effective July 15

@home:
I have discussed my plans with my mom..

@training:
3 more service to go before wine mixing starts! I can't wait! *lol*

@blog:
I will create a new URL for my blogs... I'll just transfer them.

@personal life:
What the h*** is that? *lol*

Rant...

2009-06-25T15:49:00.002+08:00

I'd rather quit than keep on fighting someone who can do more damage to me.
It's better to get out and keep my cool than stay and accept insanity.

Books

2009-06-23T17:08:00.004+08:00

I'm planning to set up another blogsite.. One that would just focus on the books that I've read. Call it a review of some sort, but I'm just gonna include the following information for each book:

1. Book Title and Author
2. Characters (main ones, including those who made a mark in the book)
3. Plot
4. My own view of the book (may also include excerpts from other sites)

Hopefully, I can start tomorrow or this coming weekend.. I'm already excited. *lol*

A Thought...

2009-06-19T16:46:00.002+08:00

I have been in the same company for more than 4 years. I’m proud to say that it’s the longest time I’ve been in any job.

I am always on the move. I hate being idle. I hate being stuck. So whenever I get to stay with something or someone for long, it’s already a personal achievement. I have this mentality that makes me think beyond my current confines.

I’ve always believed in moving on when things are getting rough. There’s no sense in staying when every passing day, you can’t help but to wish you’re on a different situation… Why should you stay when there are already a lot of other possibilities to explore?

I’m writing this because I know I have to make a move as early as now. That move, will bring an end to 4 years spent at MSK…

suspension 101

2009-06-12T17:41:00.003+08:00

masarap pala ang mabakasyon sa trabaho.

dahil sa suspension ko, natapos kong basahin yung ilang libro ko na matagal ko ng nabili. bukod dun, nagawa ko ring i-update ang blogs ko... lol

2 araw ang suspension ko. sa 2 araw na yun, madami-dami naman akong mga nagawa. nakapag-focus ako sa training ko. nakapagsulat akong muli. pati ang kitain ang mga long lost friends ko, nagawa ko din.

sa susunod na masuspend ako (yun ay kapag naibaba na yung 3day suspension ko), ito naman ang mga gagawin ko:
1. tatapusin yung isa sa mga likha kong istorya. madami kasing di na nakaalis sa gitna.
2. lilinisin ko yung kwarto ko. ibig sabihin, magbabawas na ako ng mga memento o di kaya papalitan yung mga naka-display. dahil sa pagiging pack rat ko, lahat na lang itinago ko..
3. ipa-polish ko yung dagger collection ko... at kukulitin ko yung ilang kaibigan ko na ibalik na nila yung mga daggers kong hiniram nila...

tama na muna yung 3... isang gawain kada araw na suspended ako sa trabaho...

sa totoo lang, di ako natutuwa sa pagkakasuspindi ko... e ano namang choice ko? kesa magmukmok, e di gawin na lang kapaki-pakinabang yung mga araw, di ba?

Some Thoughts...

2009-06-07T19:49:00.004+08:00

I am fond of chatting and most of the time, I get to meet new people... A few months ago, I went gaga over IMVU. It's the same as SIMS wherein you can create your own avatar. I know it's not that popular here in the Philippines so there's only a few Filipino using that program.

One time, I get to chat with this Italian guy. He seem nice. Our conversations were serious, with no hint of flirting or any of that kind. Aside from that, he knew some tagalog words so it's kinda fun to talk to him. But that was only the first time.

The next time I chatted with him, I got irritated. Judging from our conversation the last time we talked, he seems to be a guy with sense. During our second chat, he asked me if I would marry him. I asked him the reason why he asked it out of the blue. Guess what he told me? He said: Isn't that the reason why you're chatting here? That got me irritated.

I told him it's not my reason for chatting. He further explained that it's the reason why most Filipina would go to chat... He added that Filipinas would chat on the net, hoping to meet some Westerners who would marry them and take them out of poverty. Keeping my cool, I laughed at him then. I even told him: Ibahin mo ako sa kanila. After that, he said: Goodluck to you Filipina, then left.

Long after the chat ended, I pondered on what was his view of Filipino women. Though in my case, it's not true, what he said bears some truth to it. Most Filipina would marry foreigners like Americans, Europeans, and even Japanese men because of the bright future they might give them. Seldom is the reason love.

I hate that mentality other races have on us. But we cannot eradicate that thought simply because there are indeed some Filipina who does that. Still, they should not typecast all Filipina as girls who'd marry other races just for money.

Ako at ang Paniniwala Ko

2009-06-07T00:23:00.004+08:00

Galing ako sa isang pamilyang devout Catholics. Nung bata ako, linggo-linggo kung magsimba kaming mag-anak. Masaya naman yung mga pagsisimbang yun kahit alas-sais pa lang ng umaga kung gumising kaming lahat para mag-gayak at magsimba. Pagkatapos kasi nun, papasok pa ang mga magulang ko sa trabaho. Kung wala naman silang pasok, mamamasyal na kami.

Nung nagkaisip na ako at nakatuntong sa antas ng high school at kolehiyo, nagsimula na akong tanungin yung ilang mga bagay tungkol sa faith ko. Ito yung mga panahon na halos linggo-linggo ay nasa simbahan ako, miyembro ng Lehiyon ni Maria, nagtuturo ng gospel sa mga bata, etc. Sa eskwelahan naman, dahil Catholic school yun, masasabing in depth ang pagtalakay sa mga sakramento at turo ng simbahang Katoliko.

Tinanong ko ngayon ang sarili ko: Katoliko ba ako dahil lubos ang paniniwala ko sa relihiyong ito? O Katoliko ako dahil lang sa dito ako bininyagan nung bata pa ako?

Kung tutuusin kasi, ang pagiging Katoliko ay hindi lang nakikita or nasusukat sa lingguhang pagsisimba, pagkukumpisal at pagdarasal. Para sa akin kasi, para masabi mong Katoliko ka, dapat sinusunod mo lahat ng kautusan ng Simbahan. Higit sa lahat, dapat 'andun yung paniniwala mo sa lahat ng turo nila. In my case, hindi ako ganun.

May mga gawi at turo ang Simbahang Katoliko na nagdadalawang-isip ako. Gawa siguro ng mga nabasa kong iba't ibang libro kaya nagawa kong mag-isip ng mga kung anu-anong bagay na lihis sa mga itinuro sa Christian Living Education, Morality, Values at Theology.

Dahil sa mga katanungang iyon, may tatlong taon na akong hindi nagsisimba. Kaya ang laki ng irita ko nung Biyernes, ika-5 ng Hunyo. May attendance ang pag-attend sa misa sa City Hall pagkatapos ng training namin... Kinailangan kong um-attend dahil kung hindi, magmumulta ako ng limandaang piso.

Nakakainis yun. Ang pagsisimba kasi ay dapat bukal sa loob mo. Hindi mo siya dapat ipilit sa ibang tao. Bukod dun, kung napilitan ka lang, hindi tatatak sa'yo ang Ebanghelyo. Hindi mo rin pakikinggan mabuti ang sermon, lalong hindi ka magbibitaw ng mga salitang "Peace Be With You"... kasi 'yung buong oras na nasa misa ka, 'yung irita mo ang nasa isipan mo..

Hay.. sana talaga hindi na lang ako um-attend last Friday. Pakiramdam ko kasi lalo lang akong nagkasala dahil nasa misa nga akong naturingan, wala naman dun ang puso't isipan ko... :(

journal entry 525

2009-05-25T01:08:00.001+08:00

I don't know what's wrong. I just feel so empty. Like there's really something huge that's missing. I tried shaking off that bad vibes by playing games. I thought it will go away… and that I just need a diversion. I was wrong.

What I'm feeling right now, it's something deeply rooted. It's caused by running away from my fears and blocking them off subconsciously. Now, they're running after me… trying to peel every layer of pretense I kept for safety.

Will there be solace after this? I don't think so. Is it time to face them and give in to the insanity they're about to give me?

Only time can tell… As of now, I chose to run faster.

ang sumpa

2009-05-03T20:12:00.002+08:00

may sumpa ata ako. di lang sa aspeto ng lecheng pag-ibig. pati ata mga taong malalapit sa akin. apektado ng sumpa..

tatlong bf ko dati, namatay thru different accidents. parang ang weird. lahat sila nakita kung paano ako in my super happy state.. and in my deepest depression. ang masaklap lang dun, they never lasted. ironic pa nga kasi one died on christmas eve.

now my bestfriends. my guy bestfriend took his own life a few years ago. nagbigti sya upon knowing na buntis yung wife nya na at that time ay napagbuhatan nya ng kamay. di raw niya kinaya yung guilt.

the latest one, si coleen. she lives on her own and minsan, dinadalaw ko. a few months ago, she met this wonderful guy. steady date sila kahit the guy has clearly no plans on being serious. ikaw ba naman ang 27 y/o na, college pa rin.

i've been really vocal in showing my disgust over that guy. walang pangarap, masaya na sa pag-asa sa parents nya. then, a couple of weeks ago, coleen told me she's pregnant. tinanong ko siya about david's reaction. sabi nya, di nya alam. di na sinasagot nung guy yung calls, text messages, and emails nya.

since then, nagkaroon ng severe depression si coleen. nakausap ko siya nung friday and she wanted me to stay in her house... natatakot daw siya sa gabi. i brushed them off, thinking that her fears will be gone the minute she drinks her anti-depressants. it didn't.

past 4am, saturday morning, she was begging me to be there. kaya lang, me katangahan akong nagawa nung friday before going to work kaya hindi ako nakapunta sa kanya. pagdating ko sa bahay, before 6am, i received a text message from her yaya. nag suicide daw si coleen.

ang hirap isipin.. masakit mawalan ng kaibigan..

lalo ko tuloy na-confirm:

may sumpa nga ako.

para kay b

2009-04-18T00:19:00.002+08:00

Me quota ang pag-ibig,
sa bawat limang umiibig,
isa lang ang magiging maligaya.
Ang iba, iibig sa hindi sila iniibig.
O iibig ng hindi natututo.
O iibig sa wala.
O hindi iibig kailanman.

a painful truth 'bout falling in love. i can see myself in Irene's story. there's a lot of similarities between what happened to her and my personal experiences..

Week 16

2009-04-18T00:12:00.002+08:00

This week I'm on the morning shift that starts at 6am and ends by 2pm. Last Monday, I had an attack of Vertigo hence I was torn between going to work or just resting at home. I ended up still going to work, with almost an hour after my shift started.

After work, I decided to go to National Bookstore, Megamall branch to finally buy the book by Ricky Lee. Its title is Para Kay B (O Kung Paano Dinevastate ng Pag-ibig ang 4 out of 5 Sa Atin). I got dismayed because I couldn't find a copy of said book. I went home feeling defeated because I was really planning to get that book.

Wednesday, I took a leave to consult with a dermatologist. I went first to Medical City Clinic somewhere in Cainta (Sta. Lucia East Grandmall). I got pissed when I learned that there's no dermatologist that time because I have a lot of things planned for that day and everything went out of schedule.

Since I was already in a mall, I decided to go to a bookstore and buy Para Kay B. I got a copy of it and was really excited to read it. After that, I went to Odyssey and bought a Pulp Summerslam 9 ticket. With a new book to read and the ticket to a rock event, who wouldn't feel good, right?

Thursday, at 1am, I finished the book so I decided to get another one. This time, I planned on getting a book by Steve Berry. I'm missing 3 more books: The Third Secret, The Romanov Prophecy, and The Charlemagne Pursuit. I ended up buying The Third Secret. I will be buying The Romanov Prophecy and The Charlemagne Pursuit when St. Francis' Bookstore already have a stock of The Charlemagne.. I really want to have that book because it's the next book in the Cotton Malone series.

Today, Friday, I was on sick leave. My vertigo attacked again. So there, I've already been online for 3 hours.. and still counting.

This proves to be a busy week. Agree?

hmnn..

2009-04-12T22:51:00.001+08:00

be still, be quiet.
the melody's here.
bite your lip, close your eyes.
the footsteps are coming.

relax, chill.
he'll hear your heavy breathing.
beware of his glare.
don't believe his sweet lies.
remain calm.

no more what-if's.
let go of reason.
and for your sake, keep sober.

A Better Way

2009-04-05T13:15:00.000+08:00

I am fond of drinking.
I love the taste of alcohol in my mouth.
And I love the warmth it brings.

Drinking is often my first choice.
It’s a good way to end my day…
It’s a unique toss to a tiring day.

It’s a bitter way to accept facts.
It’s a first-class mask to flaunt
And hide the tears.

Silver Age

2009-03-08T15:11:00.001+08:00

Last year, on my 24th birthday, I was the image of pure depression and melancholy. I celebrated my birthday with just a bottle of Generoso, and Purefoods luncheon meat as my pulutan. That year, I had a misunderstanding with my mom which lasted more than 3 months…

This year, me and my mom were in good terms. I was actually not in good terms with my dad. He happens to celebrate his birthday before mine and I managed to give him problems late February.

I was so psyched that I will celebrate alone and that what happened last year may also happen this year. I did not make any plans at all as they may go to waste. I even abandoned the idea of watching Eraserheads Reunion concert that I planned to attend late last year.

March 5, my father’s birthday was the start of my long leave from work. I took a 5-working day leave to carefully think whether I’m still on the right track, or am I slowly drifting from my plans. It was at this day when I re-read my journal entries and wrote all the things that I’d like to accomplish this year until before I reach 26.

March 6… It was Rakrakan 9.5, a gathering of rakista.com members, and the day before I reach 25. I went late in the evening and bought 2 buckets of Red Horse Beer and sisig for my clan mates. After our orders were brought to our table, my clan mates sang the birthday song which I’ll answer with: bukas pa ang birthday ko (It’s not yet my birthday!) which made other rcom members look at our direction.

I was also meeting up with Ellaine Janica, my high school friend who happens to be born on the same month and date that I was. When EJ arrived at Dayo, we stayed only for some more minutes then we headed to Timog or Morato to celebrate our birthday.

We first went to Gusi Bar but since it was already past 12am, the bar’s already closed. Then, we took a cab and went to Pier 1 instead. Upstairs, inside the air-conditioned room, EJ and I ordered some blue margarita and nachos. We updated each other with the current happenings in our lives. We also talked about our plans for the future. That night, I went home in their house somewhere in Project 4.

March 7, about past 10am, I arrived home. Waiting for me were the ingredients for spaghetti and pancit that I will be cooking for my birthday. Instead of greeting me Happy Birthday, my mom asked me where I spent the night. Of course, I did not answer anymore, we might just end up arguing again. So instead of taking some nap first, I immediately started cooking.

I did not invited any office mates or friends because I originally thought that this year will be a repeat of my birthday last year. However, I did invited Motoki, my friend since college, to come to our house. I even assured him that it’s just food, there’ll be no drinking. But, Uncle Tam called home past 7pm, saying that Ayi and a friend will be coming so I better prepare some drinks.

So late in the evening, I cooked again and even asked my Aunt Vilma to buy Andok’s lechon manok for pulutan. In less than an hour, my uncle arrived, followed by Motoki. My uncle suggested buying some drinks so I asked Motoki to accompany me in the nearest 7-11 store. Soon after, Ayi and his friend arrived. After eating, Motoki and I drove to 7-11 and bought Antonov Vodka and The Bar, an orange-flavored vodka. We even bought 2 packs of Marlboro lights and some chips.

I drank Vodka with Motoki, Ate Vhec (my cousin), Uncle Tam, Ayi, and Monty. Apparently, other that me, it was only Motoki who drinks Vodka. The rest of them, it was their first time to drink that. I was laughing at their reactions as they took their first shots of Antonov. After drinking half the bottle of Antonov, I suggested of trying The Bar Orange Vodka since it tastes better than the first. I was telling them to drink The Bar without any chaser because it tastes sweet. Their reactions after sipping their first try made me laugh real hard. Ha ha…

My birthday this year was a happy one. I’m already on the 25th year, the silver age. I don’t know which particular age would be my last. As early as now, I’m psyching myself that 50 will be my oldest age. So I better do all I want to do and accomplish what I want to achieve. After all, 25 years isn’t that long, right?

Loans and Harassment

2009-03-01T11:16:00.004+08:00

Well, here's my recent experience regarding Collecting Agencies/Office of Loan or Credit Card Companies:

Wednesday, Feb. 25:
A "Makati police officer" called our office, saying that they're on their way to arrest me because of some cases and he gave me a number to call, and look for an Atty. Antonio Villanueva.
Upon calling that number, I was told that I was charged with breach of contract among other cases, such as violation of RA 8484. They were asking me to pay 27K immediately to settle.
After that call, I proceeded with my work and after lunch, I was informed by my superior, assistant manager, that there was another call, apparently from "Pasig police", asking for landmarks of our office.
I called my mom and my aunt.. and my friend regarding my dilemma.. Last, I called again the lawyer, Atty. Villanueva and was asked to settle at least 5K to temporarily hold the arrest.
Because of that, I was forced to take a half day leave, come up with at least 5K for initial payment..

After paying, I was advised by my friend not to believe said cases. That I am being harassed so as to pay the amount in full.
I was even advised by her lawyer friend and her brother, to get the details of my supposed cases so as to know legal actions that I can do.

Thursday, Feb. 26:
I called Atty. Villanueva about my cases and he said they were "highly confidential" and that it should not be discussed via phone. I said since I was the one involved, I have the right to know, right?
What happened was, he advised me that if I really want to know my case, I should get a lawyer and we should discuss this in court. After that, I again asked some my friend regarding the non-compliance of Atty. Villanueva to advise my supposed cases.
Along with the advise from lawyers I've asked, I immediately called again Atty. Villanueva and told him that I should know my charges and that I've already asked some lawyers about it. The said lawyer shouted at me and said that I should forget settling only 27K and we talk about it at court..
Final advise by my friend: Check with RTC and MTC if there's really a case filed against you.

Friday, Feb. 27:
I called RTC and MTC to verify whether there's really a case against me and if there are, I'd inquire about those cases. It turned out, there's really no case filed against me and that I was just being harassed by that collecting office.

-*-

I've already settled part of that loan.. And will be paying the remaining this coming March.
Imagine the sleepless nights and the emotional struggle I have to go through because of that Collection Office.

It was good that I know some lawyers and I get to read blogs at http://failuretopaycreditcard.blogspot.com coz they helped me weigh things out.

I wouldn't want to deal with Citibank and CitiFinancial again.. I called their hotline number to ask for consideration regarding my dilemma but they kept on forwarding me to the collection office. They were even rude at doing so.
I was surprised that last Feb. 27, they talked to me courteously when I showed up at their office. I talked to the same guy I talked with via phone. It seems like a 180degree turn coz they've been rude to me the day before and now, they were treating me like every word I said matters.

All these events lead to me being absent at work for more than a day.. Plus, my dad had disowned me.
Now, it makes me think.. Does that 40K loan enough for me to be harassed, be absent at work, and be disowned by my own father?

Certainly not.

missing him

2009-02-27T17:15:00.003+08:00

i'm missing him badly!
i'm still pinning for him..
to see that smile that makes my heart flutter.

i'm terribly missing him.
i miss his baritone voice.
i'd like to hear him sing that song again..

i'd like to see him again.
for the last time.
i'd like to see if he's okay,
if she's taking good care of him..

the way i wanted to do myself,
but could never be..

ever.

a mumble

2009-02-24T13:33:00.005+08:00

I'm not sure what to feel
I'm not even sure if it's worth it.
His feelings weren't real..
And I've been so naive!

I need...

2009-01-31T07:14:00.001+08:00

... some sort of craziness. Something that would take me out of my norm and let me be free. I want to slip away from this sanity because I fear I'm not living my life the way I wanted it to be.

... some peace. Inner ones that can make me sleep easily. Peace that would cast away my doubts and make me feel serene.

... some spark. A simple glow. Something to look for at the end of this dark maze.

... to drink and smoke. To drown the sobs. To let go of the frustrations.

Isang Expression

2009-01-20T16:54:00.004+08:00

Madami akong expressions or mga katagang madalas banggitin kapag ako'y nagagalak, nagagalit or naiirita. Madalas ng marinig sa akin ng mga kaibigan ko ang mga katagang: "Musta naman yun?", "Adek", "Maldita", "Sabe ko nga".. at iba pang mga pampuno ng isang pangungusap na kadalasan, wala na akong maidugtong pa. Natatandaan ko dati, simple lang mga alam kong sabihin. Bukod dun, dati ding malinis ang aking pananalita: walang bad words. Sa makatuwid, hindi ako nagmumura.

Ngayon, madaming nagbago. Halos lahat na ata ng masamang salita alam kong sabihin. T*ng*n*, T**n*, P.I, f*ck, wtf!, d*mn.. lahat yun tila kasama na ng bokabularyo ko. Sa katunayan, napansin kong bawat pangungusap na sambitin ko, may kasunod na takte, ta*na, f*ck, atbp. Katulad kanina, dahil lang sa WTF!, nag-away kami ng dati kong kaibigan... The whole incident of me saying that word is not intended for her. Pero ganun yung dating sa kanya. And she even called me mayabang at desperado.

Di ako mayabang. Lalong hindi ako desperado. Sa nangyaring yun, hindi ko alam kung I'd be angry at her coz of what she said to me. Or iintindihin ko na lang s'ya dahil iba ang epekto ng WTF sa kanya? WTF.. isasama ko sa blog na to ang excerpt ng usapan namin. I might be demned for this one pero I didn't expected that kind of attitude from someone I've been friends with during my entire college years.

Maybe it's wrong that I used such words almost all the time. Actually, it doesn't matter to those people who really knew me. Whatever it is, I still don't think including wtf! in the end of my message to her is enough for her to call me mayabang, most of all desperate!

Pasko na Naman

2008-12-18T21:09:00.005+08:00

Malamig na naman.. Pasko na naman kasi e. At katulad ng mga nakaraang pasko, muli kitang bibisitahin.

Sabi ng pamilya mo, I have to move on. Siguro nga.. Bakit hindi? Pero tingin ko, hangga't may pasko, maaalala pa rin kita.

Muli kong maaalala kung paano mo ko kantahan. Muling sasagi sa isip ko kung paano mo ko patawanin.

Ika-ilang taon na ba simula nung umalis ka? Iniwan mo kasi ako, di man lang tinanong kung gusto ko bang sumama...

Sasama naman ako e, kahit saan. Mas gusto ko yun. Kesa ngayon.. pasko ulet, wala ka na..

Ako? Mananatiling nagtitirik ng kandila at nag-aalay ng bulaklak..

Sa puntod mo...

Rattles from the Office

2008-12-06T17:18:00.005+08:00

I hate being judged, especially if what a certain person perceives about me is entirely different from who I am. I hate it when a certain person say something behind my back and act really sweet in front of me!

So imagine how I've felt when I heard what a colleague said about me (behind my back). I felt angry. I felt cheated. Worst of all, I felt being ridiculed and made fun of whenever I'm not around.

I'm just new in my current department. Their process is different from the process I've known during my Export years. But hell, I don't think my being new to the OPS department is enough for her to say those things about me.

I may not know all the how-to's right now. I'm still in the learning curve... Why question my position and what I know based on the few weeks that I've been on floor?

She barely know me. Reason why in the first place, she should never said those things about me.

If she had any problem with me, she should have said it. She should have been upfront with it. I'm willing to listen and if things need changing, then I will.

Clothes, clothes... and more clothes!

2008-06-29T09:29:00.001+08:00

I'm not a fashionista. Heck, I don't even bother dressing up even though there's a special occassion. So imagine my desperation when our HR department announced that we are the ones who's gonna buy our uniforms from our selected shop.

Panic struck coz I'm not really into clothes. I hate going through different shops/boutiques. I hate trying out clothes to see if they fit me or not. Then, I made a decision to ask the help of my college friends, Hazel and Geri.

Our call time was 2 to 3pm at Megamall's foodcourt. As always, I was late *hehe*. Anyway, from Megamall to Shangri-la, we just walked and talked.. It was tiring coz I'm not that fond of walking and it really seemed like a long walk!

Upon arriving at Shangri-la, we immediately went to level 5 (coz that's where Tubby is located). It actually took us a long time and a number of text messages before we finally located the shop. Inside, we immediately look for what I should get.

Had tried a number of blouses and pants. Swear, I didn't liked the idea of trying on clothes, looking for the fit, and the style. What's even more frustrating is that after getting stuffs I'd like, there's still 800 bucks that I need to spend! So I looked through some more clothes and decided to just take a polo shirt. The end price was almost 300 bucks greater than the budget.

In the end, I got 7 items.. Pants, two blazers, and 4 blouses with collar. What I really like among those things that I got is the red blouse and the gray blazer.

A lot of other things happened after Tubby but I won't get into much details. It's pretty embarassing and I'd rather keep 'em to myself.. hehe

3 Weekends of May

2008-05-25T12:49:00.002+08:00

I've been busy for 3 consecutive weekends this Month. Different gimmicks dominated my weekend.

Last May 10-11, we had our team farewell party. It's an overnight swimming at Loreland Farm and Resort, somewhere in Antipolo. The place was big with a lot of different pools and cottages. The rooms okay. Except for the fact that it doesn't have any extra sockets where we could plug our charges (for phones and batteries).

The whole experience was full of fun! We had a lot of food to eat, and a lot of tequila to be tipsy with. I even uploaded one kulitan moment we had while in Nipa Hut 5 (where some of the guys already had more alcohol than they could tolerate.. hehe).

It was fun. But I didn't enjoyed it that much (had an attack of asthma which kept me from exploring the whole area and dipping to other pools... What a pity!

Come Sunday, me and Tina went to the Rainforest Park somewhere in Pasig. The entrance is free and the park has a lot of features: Gyms, Mini Zoo, Children's Playground, among others. We also saw ramps for bikers, and wall-climbing facility.

It was my first time to see live animals (other than what you can normally see at farms). I saw ostriches, crocs, eagles, pythons and bayawak (the ones I usually see are dead ones: for exotic pulutan.. hehe).

After the park, we bought some grilled bangus and Crab Meat at Pixie's.. Tina's really craving for that bangus so we decided to go to Tony's house (she doesn't like the idea of me going to her apartment.. she's sorta afraid that I might see and tell her about the ghost/s in that house) and have our dinner there.

A lot of kwentuhan happened after dinner. Stuffs about office, work and colleagues llivened the night... We also had occassional brownouts that makes us stop for a while and look for candles, or our phones for light.. hehe

Then, yesterday, May 24, we decided to watch the pyrolympics at MOA. Meeting time was 5:30-6:00pm, at Powerbooks, SM Megamall but we left there at already past 6pm. When we finally arrived at MOA, we're still looking for our other colleagues who went there ahead of us.

When we finally entered the place where we could really see the fireworks, Jen, Tina, Lyn and me went ahead, looking for a good spot to catch some pics or videos. I have posted the pics I got during that night.

By the way, I just used my mobile phone so the images may not be that clear or the resolution might not be that good.

Nag-aalab na Tubig

2008-05-20T18:25:00.002+08:00

Mahirap maging palaisip. Lahat kasi ng bagay, gagamitan mo ng utak. Kahit mga bagay na dapat puso na ang mamimili, utak pa rin ang gamit ko.

Dati inisip kong di na ako mahuhulog ulit. Ilang beses na ba kasi akong nasaktan? Ilang beses na ba akong nabigo? Kaya nga tumagal na ng dalawang taon akong nagsosolo.

Pag solo kasi, magagawa ko lahat ng gusto ko. Inom, yosi... gimik... Mamasyal mag-isa. Manood ng mga tao... Magwala. Dahil mag-isa lang ako, walang pwedeng magdikta ng gagawin ko.

Pero nung dumating siya, tila muling nag-alab ang mga damdamin kong katulad na ng tubig: dumadaloy.. walang sariling porma.

Ginulo niya ang tahimik kong mundo. Ginising nya ang mga damdaming inakala kong wala na ako..

Pero gaya ng mga nauna, nawala na rin siya. Para bang pinatunayan lang sa akin na tao pa rin akong pwedeng mahulog, magmahal..

Muli na namang nag-alab ang tubig.

Kasunod nito ang muling pagyelo ng mga damdamin...

Changes at the Workplace

2008-04-25T21:26:00.001+08:00

I'm 24 y/o already... and for more than 3 years of my life, I've been working at Maersk Manila GSC. We're on the documentation side of shipping cargoes. The department I belong with is concerned with export documentation - manifest and/or amendments of bills of lading... This could be pretty boring for most of you but I'd be blabbering about my work (at least for this particular blog only).

I started there January 17, 2005. After training, we've been seating in with some staffs from different manifest teams. If my memory serves me right, 7 of us in the batch (there are 20 of us) had no particular team yet coz we were supposed to be BCP staffs. Since we were not yet called to start with BCP, all 7 of us just loittered in the 17F, not doing anything and/or just chatting with some peeps on floor.

After some days (or was it weeks), we were asked to manifest for West Africa Trade. Basically, we're inputting details of bill/s of lading on the systems used at Maersk. After 3 weeks, me and Lhem were transferred to Amendment Team. There, we're tasked to update bills according to request/s from Shipper, Origin and/or Destination office.

While in the amendment team, we were called for BCP. So, after being in AMD for almost 4 months, Melissa and I were transferred to BCP. In that team, we're just doing tests to see if Manila GSC can take some of the volume of BOM, SJO, or GUA if ever there's a contingency. Quota was 2 bills per hour and everyday, the bills we've manifested were audited by BOM/SJO/GUA and then we'd receive feedbacks regarding our accuracy and SOP adherence.

After some months at BCP, the team was dissolved so we went back to AMD. Since then, I've never been moved to a different team again. Last year, I was even promoted to a Team Lead position.

I never thought that AMD team would also be dissolved. Imagine, since the start of that team, we've already heard some rumors that it would soon be dissolved. Heck, I've even prayed that it's just rumors. Though AMD team has a lot of differences and/or clash of ideas, we've lasted more than 3 years.

Right now, our team's officially dissolved. I understand that streamlining all processes would require this change. I've accepted changes quickly more than my other team mates did. What I cannot understand/accept is that we were dissolved at that time we were so united. We've been through a lot of issues in the past but we're able to surpass them.

This dissolution of our team is one big blow to all of us. We love our team. We have good relations with our team mates... Change is good, they say... But this type of change is not something that you'd like to happen in a matter of weeks.

As of this time, a lot of us in the team already felt the loss.. Today, some of us did things together, coz this is our last day as AMD team... Honestly, I felt all screwed up coz the setting that should take effect on Monday made me feel like I'm a nobody...

Who would ever want to feel that way, 'ayt?

The White Rock Experience

2008-04-22T16:01:00.002+08:00

April 19-20, 2008.. that's the batch 2 schedule of our company outing at White Rock Beach Resort in Subic. 5am was the call time and departure would be at 5:30am.. but we left Ortigas a little later (coz we're still waiting for the others to come).

The trip started okay. The bus driver took liberty to drive fast and had taken a different route so we could avoid the traffic. Somewhere along Floridablanca, Pampanga, the aircon broke. At the stopover, the driver, along with one driver from the other bus tried fixing it. The deed was unsuccessful so our bus coordinator told us that we continue the trip without the aircon. It was just an hour or more trip so we might as well continue.

Off we went, with some of the guys removing their shirts and the ladies taking off their jackets, or manually fanning theirselves just to deal with the trapped heat. I almost collapsed, if not for the occassional borrowing of Tinay's fan. Then, we stopped at Victory liner's terminal where another bus' aircon was also ineffective. After staying there for what seemed to be hours, they have decided to change buses so we could arrive at our destination.

Before 12, we arrived at the venue. White Rock Beach Resort looks really good. 2pm was the check in time so for 2 hours, we stayed at one covered spot where the committee prepared some (boring!) games. Our first merienda was pancit with one slice of bread,, and a single glass of iced tea. Before 1pm, we had our lunch of 1 single piece of chicken, plus (boiled?) eggplant with alamang... Call me maarte but I didn't liked the food. I somewhat expected something better!

Our team watched the games and gave cheer to some games (I think it was just the first game that we cheered.. hehe). Finally, they gave us the keys to our room. Room 326 of the Beach Front hotel.

When we got to the room, housekeeping isn't finished yet. So we planned to just leave our things in the room and go out. After dropping our bags and belongings, one of the housekeeping staffs said at least one of us should stay in the room to look after our things. So, instead of going out, we decided to stay on the room's veranda... Overlooking the bowling center, the cafe, and the covered walk where we say our other team members.

After the housekeeping finished all the necessary cleaning, some of us decided to doze off while I decided to take a bath (the bus trip plus staying under that covered facility made me feel so dirty and smelly that taking a bath seemed like a luxury). Good thing, the bathroom has a bath tub, a shower, sink and all amenities you'd like to have in a room (minus the fact that the hotel allotted only 6 mini soaps and 6 halves of shampoo.. halves coz it's the clear sachet cut in halves.. hehe).

While brushing my teeth, everything went black. Electrical failure made me want to run outside the bathroom, if not for the fact that I was already naked and had prepared my bath. I asked my roommates to hand me my lighter (coz it has a flashlight) but it's light wasn't enough. So, Jas handed me her mobile phone with the flashlight. I finished brushing when the lights came back so I took a quick shower.

After my shower, Shirley and Tetet decided to go to the beach already. But the girls I'm with decided to rest first (take a quick nap) before soaking in the saltwater. We went down a little before 5pm, had our merienda (spaghetti with white sauce that has no taste, literally... and a pineapple juice that tasted so darn sweet). We didn't finished the food and decided to go to the beach already, after taking a couple of pictures beside the flags.

The water's warm and at that particular time, the sun isn't that hot already. What I didn't like about it was the feeling of the sand on my feet. It was really rough and buhaghag. After taking some swimming lessons courtesy of Rhodz, I just played frisbee with Chester and Andrew. Randy joined in after some time. Then my tooth ached again so I called it quits. I went to where Charles was and smoked a cigarette.

When the girls finished on the beach, they've decided to go to the pool. So we went there, had a little fun and then back to our room to take a bath before having dinner. It took us more than 2 hours to finish bathing that when we went down to have dinner, there's no more food on the table. Apparently, dinner's served until 9pm only and we went down a little after 9. I saw Chard, one of the committee and asked him about it. I swear, I got really pissed when all his reply was "may oras lang kasi ang pagkain", scratched his head and left us to greet some guys who already got their beers.

I was really in a bad mood and marched back in our room. The girls soon followed. Good thing, Anne and Charles brought some canned goods. The four of us, Rhodz, Jas, Mitch and of course, me, shared some bread and canned tuna. I was so pissed that when Shirley and Tetet asked me if I will go with them to the inuman, I was so resolved in having the guys pick me up, else I'd just sleep the night off.

After a few more minutes, the guys arrived in the room and told us, we'd be drinking at Lhem's room. There, we had 3 bottles of Tequila and 2 bottles of Gran Matador. On the left is the tanggero of Tequila, on the right is the tanggero of Matador... It was a night full of fun. Proof are the photos I've posted here. Charles and Anne decided to go down, on the hammocks and I joined them as three of our roommates already retired and went up to our room and slept.

Outside, on the hammock, I rocked myself and made it like a swing. That made me dizzy, not the drinks I've had so after a few more minutes, I already decided to sleep to. Changed my shirt, open the TV, then sleep. That's what I did, the early morning of Sunday.

We woke up at about 7am, went down to have breakfast. The food? Garlic rice, eggs and beef tapa (which was so hard that it looks like you're eating a bark of a tree...). Since I was not able to have dinner that night, I almost ate all of it, if not for the fact that my jaw ached coz of that tapa. After breakfast, the girls decided to swim again. I declined their invitation and had decided to go up in the room, take a bath and fix my stuff coz check-out time is 12pm.

I won't go into details of what happened from 9am til check out. After check out, we had our lunch of fish fillet and kangkong with bits of squid. Then picture-taking. And by 2pm, we were the first bus to leave the resort. I've slept on the way home but I woke up at one stop-over, I think it was duty free and we've been there for almost 2 hours already.

Again, I was so pissed coz I have to go somewhere else by 6pm that night. I got hungry again coz the food at the resort isn't that good. I asked Randy to accompany me and look for burger, not knowing that the bus is already leaving and were just waiting for us. After we resumed with the trip, 2 more stopovers happened. We arrived at Ortigas, 9pm... A 7-hour trip home.

free verse

2008-04-06T17:17:00.000+08:00

My judgment fails whenever I'm with you.
My usual indifference shatters with wanting to see you.
Is it worth the risks, taking this crazy ride with you?
I can't help this surge of emotions whenever I'm beside you.
I just want to know the ending of this insanity.
The long ride with you has no turning back.
Will you stay with me?
Or you're just here to teach me?
If I put my feelings at stake, will I reap your love?

**originally written March 28, edited version...**

Blood Thirsty

2008-03-14T00:28:00.000+08:00

I am suicidal. I'm not ashamed of it. Its not something I'm also proud of. But, my suicidal days are still vivid parts of my being.

I've slashed my wrists and stabbed myself. I even faked a motorcycle accident. Being a person who hides what she feels made it difficult for me to handle problems. Writing became a useless outlet when my problems suffocated me.

I am at this phase... the phase where I most often thought of ending my life again. Problems everywhere. Home, work, personal ones... I hate what they're making me feel. Useless, unworthy, a nuisance, a black sheep.

I'm thirsty for blood. My own blood. I want to feel it ooze out of my body again. But this time, I'd close my eyes... to welcome that warm feeling and...

To keep myself from losing consciousness because of hematophobia.

It's My Birthday

2008-03-08T05:30:00.002+08:00

I'm a year older now. I don't know how to react. Should I be grateful that I get to live a year again? Or should I be depressed coz I've been through another year of pain and hurt?

I'm 24 now. I should be more mature. I should be more open about things I feel. But here I am, sulking. Pushing aside my family's efforts to make this birthday a happy one. Well, why should I let them make me believe another year full of lies again?

It's my birthday... and just like the previous ones I've had, I'm again reminded of my faults. If I were given the choice, I would have chosen a different one. I would have chosen to die.

Yes, die. Think of me as another suicidal adult who was not able to let go of the past that's been haunting me for years. I tried facing it before but they've brushed me off, saying that I'm being the drama queen again.

This year, I hope it'd be my last... I'm tired of crying, of sulking, of acting tough when I really want to breakdown and give myself a good cry.

It's my birthday... and I've cried again. For the nth time. I've drunk alone for fear that people might see me breakdown and cry. Even in my own day, I've chosen to wear this mask of indifference.

Just like it has always been.. for the past 24 years..