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Saturday, January 31, 2009

I need...


... some sort of craziness. Something that would take me out of my norm and let me be free. I want to slip away from this sanity because I fear I'm not living my life the way I wanted it to be.

... some peace. Inner ones that can make me sleep easily. Peace that would cast away my doubts and make me feel serene.

... some spark. A simple glow. Something to look for at the end of this dark maze.

... to drink and smoke. To drown the sobs. To let go of the frustrations.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Isang Expression

Madami akong expressions or mga katagang madalas banggitin kapag ako'y nagagalak, nagagalit or naiirita. Madalas ng marinig sa akin ng mga kaibigan ko ang mga katagang: "Musta naman yun?", "Adek", "Maldita", "Sabe ko nga".. at iba pang mga pampuno ng isang pangungusap na kadalasan, wala na akong maidugtong pa. Natatandaan ko dati, simple lang mga alam kong sabihin. Bukod dun, dati ding malinis ang aking pananalita: walang bad words. Sa makatuwid, hindi ako nagmumura.

Ngayon, madaming nagbago. Halos lahat na ata ng masamang salita alam kong sabihin. T*ng*n*, T**n*, P.I, f*ck, wtf!, d*mn.. lahat yun tila kasama na ng bokabularyo ko. Sa katunayan, napansin kong bawat pangungusap na sambitin ko, may kasunod na
takte, ta*na, f*ck, atbp. Katulad kanina, dahil lang sa WTF!, nag-away kami ng dati kong kaibigan... The whole incident of me saying that word is not intended for her. Pero ganun yung dating sa kanya. And she even called me mayabang at desperado.

Di ako mayabang. Lalong hindi ako desperado. Sa nangyaring yun, hindi ko alam kung I'd be angry at her coz of what she said to me. Or iintindihin ko na lang s'ya dahil iba ang epekto ng WTF sa kanya?
WTF.. isasama ko sa blog na to ang excerpt ng usapan namin. I might be demned for this one pero I didn't expected that kind of attitude from someone I've been friends with during my entire college years.

Maybe it's wrong that I used such words almost all the time. Actually, it doesn't matter to those people who
really knew me. Whatever it is, I still don't think including wtf! in the end of my message to her is enough for her to call me mayabang, most of all desperate!

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