The Real Reason

I'm feeling low. Not because something happened to me early morning of Sunday. It's because of these feelings I've buried deep down within my being. I've hidden a lot of tears, thousands of fears, and depression that seems to burst out soon. Right now, I wanted to cry. Not because someone had hurt me today but because I didn't dealt with the past.

I've ran away from it. From them. I said it won't matter, there's still tomorrow. I'm living my life like today's the only thing that matters. I hate how it feels when I'm about to cry. I'd bite my lips so no sob would come out. I'd blink away the tears that starts to well in my eyes. I've been successful but then..

I'm hurting. I still am. I'm still imprisoned in a past that I've tried so hard to lock up inside. My knees still wobble. I'm still at lost. I'm depressed at the thought that I have a lot of things, know a lot of wondrous people but a void's still existing.

For more than a hundred times, I've told myself that things are better this way. But there's still this wanting, this unrelenting need that makes me lose my sanity.

I want to fall. Hard. I want to feel the need of being wanted, of being loved. A romantic love that I've put behind my consciousness. A commitment that might exist... But only in my dreams...