of losing a friend

i've learned to cherish this special friend. although i haven't seen him personally, i considered him as one of those people who had come beneath the surface of knowing me.

he even became my confidante. i shared my problems with him and he was ready to listen. he used to be my angel once... but now...

now, i've lost him. i dunno whether its my fault or his. i may be stubborn. but im still a private person. he's my friend, true. he's my confidante... another truth. but he need not know eveything about me. i'd let him in.. but it would be gradual... slowly... but worth it.

losing a friend like him is like losing a part of yourself. but i know life would let me meet other friends who would not impose anything from me.

reposted - originally created October 27 2004

friendship or love?

it hurts to fall in love with a friend. you keep on hiding your feelings, avoiding it as much as you can 'til you cry your heart out... all out of fear of losing a friend and a love you never had...

how does it feel falling for you friend? your best friend? how does it feel knowing that you love him but it can never be the two of you?

what would you do? will you tell your friend that you love him? do you have enough courage to end the friendship and go on a different level?

what would you do if your friend doesn't love you? what if he thinks of you only as a friend, nothing more.. nothing less...? what would you feel?

hay naku. ang hirap magmahal ng isang kaibigan. walang thrill. lahat kasi, alam n'yo na. there's no room for discoveries. lalo na if your friendship took years bago maging stable... bago ma-establish...

ngayon alam ko na 'yung pakiramdam na ang taong mahal mo eh kaibigan mo. ngayon alam ko na 'yung pakiramdam ng nalilito. ngayon, ako na 'yung naguguluhan... FRIENDSHIP o LOVE? whichever i choose, there's the risk of losing the other person, in one way or another. and that is something i should deal with.

hmmnn... if i'll ask you... which one will it be??? FRIENDSHIP or LOVE? if you'll choose friendship, you'll sacrifice the love you feel and swallow your hopes of ending up with your friend. if you'll choose love, you'll sacrifice the friendship which, sometimes, lasts longer than love.

so, FRIENDSHIP or LOVE?

reposted - originally created October 29 2004

of letting go the ones we love

i often wonder why people opted to let go of people they love just because of foolish reasons that in some way or another, can't be a reason at all.

i can't get it why people would let go when in fact, they love the person that much. it makes me wonder if love is not enough reason for them to stay. or if love is enough reason for them to let go.

and i find it all funny. coz im angry at those people who let the ones they love go, yet im one of them...

i've loved this guy for more than 2 years... but i let him go just recently coz he can't commit. because his commitment belongs to his cause.

nagmahal ako ng isang crusader. one who
strongly believes in his cause. one who's committed to his beliefs. honestly, it was one of his qualities that i'm proud of... not knowing that it would also be the reason for me to let him go.

hay.... its hard to let go of the one you love... lalo na for unusual reasons... mahirap lalo na kung talagang mahal mo 'yung tao...

pero teka... hindi ba mas mahal mo 'yung tao pag kaya mo siyang pakawalan para sa talagang ikasasaya n'ya? tama po ba?

reposted - originally created October 24 2004

masarap magmahal, mahirap masaktan

ano bang nakukuha natin kapag nagmamahal tayo? ano bang dahilan natin para magmahal? tayo ba'y nagmamahal dahil yun ang nararamdaman natin para sa taong iyon? o nagmamahal tayo dahil yun ang tawag ng panahon?
marami na ang nasaktan dahil sa pagmamahal na yan! buong loob kong sasabihin na isa ako sa mga yun. isa ako sa mga nagmahal. nagmahal ako ng lubos. pero nasaktan lang din ako.


masarap magmahal. nakakakilig kapag nakakarinig ka ng mga "sweet" na salita. . . kapag naririnig mong sinasabi nya sa iyo na mahal ka nya. pero hindi ba mas maganda kung nararamdaman mo rin?

mas masarap kapag nararamdaman mo yung pagmamahal na nararamdaman nya para sa'yo. yung tipong, alam mo kung ano man yung dapat mong malaman. alam mo kung saan ka nakalugar. pag nagmamahal ka kasi, nandun yung ligaya. lalo na kapag nararamdaman mo ang halaga mo sa kanya.


pero, pano kung ang pagmamahal na nararamdaman nya sa yo ay isang kasinungalingan??? just an ephemeral feeling you believed to be real? masaya ka pa rin ba? hindi na, di ba?
kapag nasaktan ka na, mahirap kumawala. iba't ibang emosyon ang maaari mong maramdaman. nandyan, ang magalit ka, umiyak, magsisi, at maghinayang. minsan, talo ka pa kung yung galit ang pinairal mo.
sabi nga nila, move on.

but moving on is difficult. lalo na kung you've shown that person who you really are. ang hirap tanggapin na yung pinagkatiwalaan mo ng iyong buong pagkatao ay nagawa kang saktan. how could you move on when you know you left a part of you to that person?
mas mahirap kung huli na ng malaman mo kung ano ka lang sa kanya. mahirap kung nagago ka.

mahirap kung malalaman mong iba ang totoong ugali nya. masakit dahil youve gambled for the wrong love. tama?

reposted - originally created October 11 2004