Galing ako sa isang pamilyang devout Catholics. Nung bata ako, linggo-linggo kung magsimba kaming mag-anak. Masaya naman yung mga pagsisimbang yun kahit alas-sais pa lang ng umaga kung gumising kaming lahat para mag-gayak at magsimba. Pagkatapos kasi nun, papasok pa ang mga magulang ko sa trabaho. Kung wala naman silang pasok, mamamasyal na kami.
Nung nagkaisip na ako at nakatuntong sa antas ng high school at kolehiyo, nagsimula na akong tanungin yung ilang mga bagay tungkol sa faith ko. Ito yung mga panahon na halos linggo-linggo ay nasa simbahan ako, miyembro ng Lehiyon ni Maria, nagtuturo ng gospel sa mga bata, etc. Sa eskwelahan naman, dahil Catholic school yun, masasabing in depth ang pagtalakay sa mga sakramento at turo ng simbahang Katoliko.
Tinanong ko ngayon ang sarili ko: Katoliko ba ako dahil lubos ang paniniwala ko sa relihiyong ito? O Katoliko ako dahil lang sa dito ako bininyagan nung bata pa ako?
Kung tutuusin kasi, ang pagiging Katoliko ay hindi lang nakikita or nasusukat sa lingguhang pagsisimba, pagkukumpisal at pagdarasal. Para sa akin kasi, para masabi mong Katoliko ka, dapat sinusunod mo lahat ng kautusan ng Simbahan. Higit sa lahat, dapat 'andun yung paniniwala mo sa lahat ng turo nila. In my case, hindi ako ganun.
May mga gawi at turo ang Simbahang Katoliko na nagdadalawang-isip ako. Gawa siguro ng mga nabasa kong iba't ibang libro kaya nagawa kong mag-isip ng mga kung anu-anong bagay na lihis sa mga itinuro sa Christian Living Education, Morality, Values at Theology.
Dahil sa mga katanungang iyon, may tatlong taon na akong hindi nagsisimba. Kaya ang laki ng irita ko nung Biyernes, ika-5 ng Hunyo. May attendance ang pag-attend sa misa sa City Hall pagkatapos ng training namin... Kinailangan kong um-attend dahil kung hindi, magmumulta ako ng limandaang piso.
Nakakainis yun. Ang pagsisimba kasi ay dapat bukal sa loob mo. Hindi mo siya dapat ipilit sa ibang tao. Bukod dun, kung napilitan ka lang, hindi tatatak sa'yo ang Ebanghelyo. Hindi mo rin pakikinggan mabuti ang sermon, lalong hindi ka magbibitaw ng mga salitang "Peace Be With You"... kasi 'yung buong oras na nasa misa ka, 'yung irita mo ang nasa isipan mo..
Hay.. sana talaga hindi na lang ako um-attend last Friday. Pakiramdam ko kasi lalo lang akong nagkasala dahil nasa misa nga akong naturingan, wala naman dun ang puso't isipan ko... :(
Showing posts with label ako. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ako. Show all posts
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Week 16
This week I'm on the morning shift that starts at 6am and ends by 2pm. Last Monday, I had an attack of Vertigo hence I was torn between going to work or just resting at home. I ended up still going to work, with almost an hour after my shift started.
After work, I decided to go to National Bookstore, Megamall branch to finally buy the book by Ricky Lee. Its title is Para Kay B (O Kung Paano Dinevastate ng Pag-ibig ang 4 out of 5 Sa Atin). I got dismayed because I couldn't find a copy of said book. I went home feeling defeated because I was really planning to get that book.
Wednesday, I took a leave to consult with a dermatologist. I went first to Medical City Clinic somewhere in Cainta (Sta. Lucia East Grandmall). I got pissed when I learned that there's no dermatologist that time because I have a lot of things planned for that day and everything went out of schedule.
Since I was already in a mall, I decided to go to a bookstore and buy Para Kay B. I got a copy of it and was really excited to read it. After that, I went to Odyssey and bought a Pulp Summerslam 9 ticket. With a new book to read and the ticket to a rock event, who wouldn't feel good, right?
Thursday, at 1am, I finished the book so I decided to get another one. This time, I planned on getting a book by Steve Berry. I'm missing 3 more books: The Third Secret, The Romanov Prophecy, and The Charlemagne Pursuit. I ended up buying The Third Secret. I will be buying The Romanov Prophecy and The Charlemagne Pursuit when St. Francis' Bookstore already have a stock of The Charlemagne.. I really want to have that book because it's the next book in the Cotton Malone series.
Today, Friday, I was on sick leave. My vertigo attacked again. So there, I've already been online for 3 hours.. and still counting.
This proves to be a busy week. Agree?
After work, I decided to go to National Bookstore, Megamall branch to finally buy the book by Ricky Lee. Its title is Para Kay B (O Kung Paano Dinevastate ng Pag-ibig ang 4 out of 5 Sa Atin). I got dismayed because I couldn't find a copy of said book. I went home feeling defeated because I was really planning to get that book.
Wednesday, I took a leave to consult with a dermatologist. I went first to Medical City Clinic somewhere in Cainta (Sta. Lucia East Grandmall). I got pissed when I learned that there's no dermatologist that time because I have a lot of things planned for that day and everything went out of schedule.
Since I was already in a mall, I decided to go to a bookstore and buy Para Kay B. I got a copy of it and was really excited to read it. After that, I went to Odyssey and bought a Pulp Summerslam 9 ticket. With a new book to read and the ticket to a rock event, who wouldn't feel good, right?
Thursday, at 1am, I finished the book so I decided to get another one. This time, I planned on getting a book by Steve Berry. I'm missing 3 more books: The Third Secret, The Romanov Prophecy, and The Charlemagne Pursuit. I ended up buying The Third Secret. I will be buying The Romanov Prophecy and The Charlemagne Pursuit when St. Francis' Bookstore already have a stock of The Charlemagne.. I really want to have that book because it's the next book in the Cotton Malone series.
Today, Friday, I was on sick leave. My vertigo attacked again. So there, I've already been online for 3 hours.. and still counting.
This proves to be a busy week. Agree?
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Silver Age
Last year, on my 24th birthday, I was the image of pure depression and melancholy. I celebrated my birthday with just a bottle of Generoso, and Purefoods luncheon meat as my pulutan. That year, I had a misunderstanding with my mom which lasted more than 3 months…
This year, me and my mom were in good terms. I was actually not in good terms with my dad. He happens to celebrate his birthday before mine and I managed to give him problems late February.
I was so psyched that I will celebrate alone and that what happened last year may also happen this year. I did not make any plans at all as they may go to waste. I even abandoned the idea of watching Eraserheads Reunion concert that I planned to attend late last year.
March 5, my father’s birthday was the start of my long leave from work. I took a 5-working day leave to carefully think whether I’m still on the right track, or am I slowly drifting from my plans. It was at this day when I re-read my journal entries and wrote all the things that I’d like to accomplish this year until before I reach 26.
March 6… It was Rakrakan 9.5, a gathering of rakista.com members, and the day before I reach 25. I went late in the evening and bought 2 buckets of Red Horse Beer and sisig for my clan mates. After our orders were brought to our table, my clan mates sang the birthday song which I’ll answer with: bukas pa ang birthday ko (It’s not yet my birthday!) which made other rcom members look at our direction.
I was also meeting up with Ellaine Janica, my high school friend who happens to be born on the same month and date that I was. When EJ arrived at Dayo, we stayed only for some more minutes then we headed to Timog or Morato to celebrate our birthday.
We first went to Gusi Bar but since it was already past 12am, the bar’s already closed. Then, we took a cab and went to Pier 1 instead. Upstairs, inside the air-conditioned room, EJ and I ordered some blue margarita and nachos. We updated each other with the current happenings in our lives. We also talked about our plans for the future. That night, I went home in their house somewhere in Project 4.
March 7, about past 10am, I arrived home. Waiting for me were the ingredients for spaghetti and pancit that I will be cooking for my birthday. Instead of greeting me Happy Birthday, my mom asked me where I spent the night. Of course, I did not answer anymore, we might just end up arguing again. So instead of taking some nap first, I immediately started cooking.
I did not invited any office mates or friends because I originally thought that this year will be a repeat of my birthday last year. However, I did invited Motoki, my friend since college, to come to our house. I even assured him that it’s just food, there’ll be no drinking. But, Uncle Tam called home past 7pm, saying that Ayi and a friend will be coming so I better prepare some drinks.
So late in the evening, I cooked again and even asked my Aunt Vilma to buy Andok’s lechon manok for pulutan. In less than an hour, my uncle arrived, followed by Motoki. My uncle suggested buying some drinks so I asked Motoki to accompany me in the nearest 7-11 store. Soon after, Ayi and his friend arrived. After eating, Motoki and I drove to 7-11 and bought Antonov Vodka and The Bar, an orange-flavored vodka. We even bought 2 packs of Marlboro lights and some chips.
I drank Vodka with Motoki, Ate Vhec (my cousin), Uncle Tam, Ayi, and Monty. Apparently, other that me, it was only Motoki who drinks Vodka. The rest of them, it was their first time to drink that. I was laughing at their reactions as they took their first shots of Antonov. After drinking half the bottle of Antonov, I suggested of trying The Bar Orange Vodka since it tastes better than the first. I was telling them to drink The Bar without any chaser because it tastes sweet. Their reactions after sipping their first try made me laugh real hard. Ha ha…
My birthday this year was a happy one. I’m already on the 25th year, the silver age. I don’t know which particular age would be my last. As early as now, I’m psyching myself that 50 will be my oldest age. So I better do all I want to do and accomplish what I want to achieve. After all, 25 years isn’t that long, right?
This year, me and my mom were in good terms. I was actually not in good terms with my dad. He happens to celebrate his birthday before mine and I managed to give him problems late February.
I was so psyched that I will celebrate alone and that what happened last year may also happen this year. I did not make any plans at all as they may go to waste. I even abandoned the idea of watching Eraserheads Reunion concert that I planned to attend late last year.
March 5, my father’s birthday was the start of my long leave from work. I took a 5-working day leave to carefully think whether I’m still on the right track, or am I slowly drifting from my plans. It was at this day when I re-read my journal entries and wrote all the things that I’d like to accomplish this year until before I reach 26.
March 6… It was Rakrakan 9.5, a gathering of rakista.com members, and the day before I reach 25. I went late in the evening and bought 2 buckets of Red Horse Beer and sisig for my clan mates. After our orders were brought to our table, my clan mates sang the birthday song which I’ll answer with: bukas pa ang birthday ko (It’s not yet my birthday!) which made other rcom members look at our direction.
I was also meeting up with Ellaine Janica, my high school friend who happens to be born on the same month and date that I was. When EJ arrived at Dayo, we stayed only for some more minutes then we headed to Timog or Morato to celebrate our birthday.
We first went to Gusi Bar but since it was already past 12am, the bar’s already closed. Then, we took a cab and went to Pier 1 instead. Upstairs, inside the air-conditioned room, EJ and I ordered some blue margarita and nachos. We updated each other with the current happenings in our lives. We also talked about our plans for the future. That night, I went home in their house somewhere in Project 4.
March 7, about past 10am, I arrived home. Waiting for me were the ingredients for spaghetti and pancit that I will be cooking for my birthday. Instead of greeting me Happy Birthday, my mom asked me where I spent the night. Of course, I did not answer anymore, we might just end up arguing again. So instead of taking some nap first, I immediately started cooking.
I did not invited any office mates or friends because I originally thought that this year will be a repeat of my birthday last year. However, I did invited Motoki, my friend since college, to come to our house. I even assured him that it’s just food, there’ll be no drinking. But, Uncle Tam called home past 7pm, saying that Ayi and a friend will be coming so I better prepare some drinks.
So late in the evening, I cooked again and even asked my Aunt Vilma to buy Andok’s lechon manok for pulutan. In less than an hour, my uncle arrived, followed by Motoki. My uncle suggested buying some drinks so I asked Motoki to accompany me in the nearest 7-11 store. Soon after, Ayi and his friend arrived. After eating, Motoki and I drove to 7-11 and bought Antonov Vodka and The Bar, an orange-flavored vodka. We even bought 2 packs of Marlboro lights and some chips.
I drank Vodka with Motoki, Ate Vhec (my cousin), Uncle Tam, Ayi, and Monty. Apparently, other that me, it was only Motoki who drinks Vodka. The rest of them, it was their first time to drink that. I was laughing at their reactions as they took their first shots of Antonov. After drinking half the bottle of Antonov, I suggested of trying The Bar Orange Vodka since it tastes better than the first. I was telling them to drink The Bar without any chaser because it tastes sweet. Their reactions after sipping their first try made me laugh real hard. Ha ha…
My birthday this year was a happy one. I’m already on the 25th year, the silver age. I don’t know which particular age would be my last. As early as now, I’m psyching myself that 50 will be my oldest age. So I better do all I want to do and accomplish what I want to achieve. After all, 25 years isn’t that long, right?
Saturday, January 31, 2009
I need...
... some peace. Inner ones that can make me sleep easily. Peace that would cast away my doubts and make me feel serene.
... some spark. A simple glow. Something to look for at the end of this dark maze.
... to drink and smoke. To drown the sobs. To let go of the frustrations.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Isang Expression
Madami akong expressions or mga katagang madalas banggitin kapag ako'y nagagalak, nagagalit or naiirita. Madalas ng marinig sa akin ng mga kaibigan ko ang mga katagang: "Musta naman yun?", "Adek", "Maldita", "Sabe ko nga".. at iba pang mga pampuno ng isang pangungusap na kadalasan, wala na akong maidugtong pa. Natatandaan ko dati, simple lang mga alam kong sabihin. Bukod dun, dati ding malinis ang aking pananalita: walang bad words. Sa makatuwid, hindi ako nagmumura.
Ngayon, madaming nagbago. Halos lahat na ata ng masamang salita alam kong sabihin. T*ng*n*, T**n*, P.I, f*ck, wtf!, d*mn.. lahat yun tila kasama na ng bokabularyo ko. Sa katunayan, napansin kong bawat pangungusap na sambitin ko, may kasunod na takte, ta*na, f*ck, atbp. Katulad kanina, dahil lang sa WTF!, nag-away kami ng dati kong kaibigan... The whole incident of me saying that word is not intended for her. Pero ganun yung dating sa kanya. And she even called me mayabang at desperado.
Di ako mayabang. Lalong hindi ako desperado. Sa nangyaring yun, hindi ko alam kung I'd be angry at her coz of what she said to me. Or iintindihin ko na lang s'ya dahil iba ang epekto ng WTF sa kanya? WTF.. isasama ko sa blog na to ang excerpt ng usapan namin. I might be demned for this one pero I didn't expected that kind of attitude from someone I've been friends with during my entire college years.
Maybe it's wrong that I used such words almost all the time. Actually, it doesn't matter to those people who really knew me. Whatever it is, I still don't think including wtf! in the end of my message to her is enough for her to call me mayabang, most of all desperate!
Ngayon, madaming nagbago. Halos lahat na ata ng masamang salita alam kong sabihin. T*ng*n*, T**n*, P.I, f*ck, wtf!, d*mn.. lahat yun tila kasama na ng bokabularyo ko. Sa katunayan, napansin kong bawat pangungusap na sambitin ko, may kasunod na takte, ta*na, f*ck, atbp. Katulad kanina, dahil lang sa WTF!, nag-away kami ng dati kong kaibigan... The whole incident of me saying that word is not intended for her. Pero ganun yung dating sa kanya. And she even called me mayabang at desperado.
Di ako mayabang. Lalong hindi ako desperado. Sa nangyaring yun, hindi ko alam kung I'd be angry at her coz of what she said to me. Or iintindihin ko na lang s'ya dahil iba ang epekto ng WTF sa kanya? WTF.. isasama ko sa blog na to ang excerpt ng usapan namin. I might be demned for this one pero I didn't expected that kind of attitude from someone I've been friends with during my entire college years.
Maybe it's wrong that I used such words almost all the time. Actually, it doesn't matter to those people who really knew me. Whatever it is, I still don't think including wtf! in the end of my message to her is enough for her to call me mayabang, most of all desperate!
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