A Dream

I saw him in my slumber. I could see his lips move but can’t hear what he’s saying. He’s trying to tell me something. Only I couldn’t seem to understand. I’ve become deaf to his pleas.

When he finished, he turned his back and started to walk away. I could see myself running after him but the distance’s still the same. I can’t catch up. I fainted in the dream. When I regained consciousness, I saw doors, a lot of them.

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Dreams and Inner Wishes

I've set up a deadline for the month of September. I'm actually reluctant to set one. Especially because it's about a part of me that I've kept underneath.

...

Was it just a dream meant to remind me of my deadline? Or was it a dream that was supposed to show my innermost desires?

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Full post here.

http://fierywaters.webs.com/apps/blog/show/1818023-dreams-and-inner-wishes

journal entry 525

I don't know what's wrong. I just feel so empty. Like there's really something huge that's missing. I tried shaking off that bad vibes by playing games. I thought it will go away… and that I just need a diversion. I was wrong.

What I'm feeling right now, it's something deeply rooted. It's caused by running away from my fears and blocking them off subconsciously. Now, they're running after me… trying to peel every layer of pretense I kept for safety.

Will there be solace after this? I don't think so. Is it time to face them and give in to the insanity they're about to give me?

Only time can tell… As of now, I chose to run faster.

My Knight and My King

I used to have a friend who meant everything to me. He was my best friend. My best bud. My knight and my king. He was my world. Not a single day would pass without us being together. He was the only one I wouldn't get tired being with. He was my life.

He was my friend. It wasn't long before I realized that I’m falling for him. Not just any fall... not just like some free fall... but I’ve fallen for him. Hard. Like a sudden thump with nothing to catch me below.

I hid what I feel. Afraid that I might lose the friend I found in him. Afraid that he doesn't feel the same. I was more afraid of rejection and losing him, than having the courage to tell him how I feel. It’s hard to find someone like him. It’s hard to find a friend, a guy friend who will do anything for you.

He did a lot of things for me. He was my guard, my protector. He would be my company when I want to go shopping or watch a movie. Whenever I’m hungry, he would give me my daily dose of Chuckie or lasagna. Whenever I’m sick, he would be the one to look after me and attend to my every need.

I’ve lived most of my life with him. But that was until 3 years ago. He was supposed to meet me for dinner. He was on his way to meet me when he his heart stopped beating. He didn't told me that his heart attacks were becoming more frequent. It was only at the hospital when I learned why he had that attack. That night that he's supposed to meet me, he was planning to propose. I was looking at him through the window when one of the hospital's nurse handed me a letter and a box.

The letter was written the night before. There, he told me what he felt. That all those time I was hiding what I feel for him, he was loving me too. Silently. Just like I did. He even bought me the ring, hoping that I would say yes once he proposes. He’s putting all his hopes on that night. He told me "tomorrow night will be my happiest or my saddest. It all depends on you."

I cried after reading his letter. I wanted go inside the ICU to talk to him. To tell him how much I love him. That I’ve been loving him all those years. That it was him who was inside my heart. But I was late. He let go without hearing those words that I’ve kept from him. He left me, just as dawn breaks into the atmosphere.

Yesterday, I remembered him again as I opened my treasure chest. I saw his letter, and the ring. Its glitter and simplicity made me remember... I closed my eyes and in there, I saw him smile at me... just like he always did 3 years ago. I’ve moved on but he'll always be the sweetest piece of my life.

reposted - originally created November 2 2004

a dream

yesterday was just an ordinary day... i get to meet new people... i lost some... and yet, it's still the same routine. work... home.. or gimmick if i want.

last night, i went to bed with a clear mind... no thoughts of the one i had a fight with... or no fantasies to wish for. i just lie there... in my bed, my eyes wide open. and my mind's a blank. heck! i even thought of drinking milk *i don't drink milk!* just so sleep would come to me.

after hours of just staring at the wall... sleep came to cover me and lull in its silence. while in deep slumber, a vision flashed. like i was living that scene again.

that dream made me think. i cried when i woke up. that's when i realize... i still love him!

reposted - originally created October 28 2004