Memoirs of the Song

I could barely hear the carols as I walked down the lively street. The cool breeze brought chill in the air… it awakened a hurting ache I’ve borne inside me.

Everywhere I turned to, there were those dancing lights. A stab of pain caught me off guard as I remembered the past… it made me long for that time when I used to be happy. I closed my eyes and thought of that accident which changed my life.

It happened one cold and foggy night. The air's filled with songs sung by children’s voices. We’re on our high spirits and he was driving the car faster than the normal speed. We didn’t noticed that there was a child crossing the street. When we saw the child, it was only some feet away from us. Nathan was shocked, swerved the car to the right and lost control. I didn’t know what happened next. The next thing I remember, I woke up in the hospital room. A bandage was on my head. Then, I remembered Nathan and I started asking his mom about him. An unnerving fear washed over me as his mother closed her eyes and said nothing. It was then that I realized what happened to Nathan.

On that eve, Nathan and I met an accident. We slammed to a wall as Nathan avoided the child. Nathan’s car was fully wrecked, the police officer told me. I didn't want to believe what I’m hearing. I covered my ears and closed my eyes. I screamed as the officer told me about Nathan. What I heard from him was like a stab in my heart.

Nathan was dead. He died instantly. They found him covering me, protecting me from the tragic accident. He guarded me from the broken windshield. Some of the broken glass cut through his internal organs which caused his death.

I didn’t know what to do back then. I wanted to scream and curse God from taking Nathan away from me! Why am I this sad when I’m supposed to be happy?!

I was at this thought when I heard the song Nathan was singing for me on that Christmas Eve. The soft melody eased the tensions awakened by remembrance. It brought back Nathan’s words as he drove his car. He told me he’d always be beside me, guiding and guarding me against the angst I feel. Then, I remembered how he looked like when he sang that song. He was smiling… the kind of smile that I’ve never seen before…

After a while, I found myself singing that song, humming along the lines Nathan used to sing for me. After all this Christmas since Nathan died, it was only now that I’ve smiled. My eyes sparkled as tears brimmed. Nathan wasn’t really gone. He’s always with me… in my heart… I’ve got no regrets now.

As I head home, I realized that lonely Christmas Eves are now over. Nathan was God’s gift to me. I closed my eyes and smiled as Nathan’s words flashed in my memory. I know out there, he’s happy. I should be happy too. I know what I had been was far from what he had hoped for…


reposted - originally created December 7 2004