My Knight and My King

I used to have a friend who meant everything to me. He was my best friend. My best bud. My knight and my king. He was my world. Not a single day would pass without us being together. He was the only one I wouldn't get tired being with. He was my life.

He was my friend. It wasn't long before I realized that I’m falling for him. Not just any fall... not just like some free fall... but I’ve fallen for him. Hard. Like a sudden thump with nothing to catch me below.

I hid what I feel. Afraid that I might lose the friend I found in him. Afraid that he doesn't feel the same. I was more afraid of rejection and losing him, than having the courage to tell him how I feel. It’s hard to find someone like him. It’s hard to find a friend, a guy friend who will do anything for you.

He did a lot of things for me. He was my guard, my protector. He would be my company when I want to go shopping or watch a movie. Whenever I’m hungry, he would give me my daily dose of Chuckie or lasagna. Whenever I’m sick, he would be the one to look after me and attend to my every need.

I’ve lived most of my life with him. But that was until 3 years ago. He was supposed to meet me for dinner. He was on his way to meet me when he his heart stopped beating. He didn't told me that his heart attacks were becoming more frequent. It was only at the hospital when I learned why he had that attack. That night that he's supposed to meet me, he was planning to propose. I was looking at him through the window when one of the hospital's nurse handed me a letter and a box.

The letter was written the night before. There, he told me what he felt. That all those time I was hiding what I feel for him, he was loving me too. Silently. Just like I did. He even bought me the ring, hoping that I would say yes once he proposes. He’s putting all his hopes on that night. He told me "tomorrow night will be my happiest or my saddest. It all depends on you."

I cried after reading his letter. I wanted go inside the ICU to talk to him. To tell him how much I love him. That I’ve been loving him all those years. That it was him who was inside my heart. But I was late. He let go without hearing those words that I’ve kept from him. He left me, just as dawn breaks into the atmosphere.

Yesterday, I remembered him again as I opened my treasure chest. I saw his letter, and the ring. Its glitter and simplicity made me remember... I closed my eyes and in there, I saw him smile at me... just like he always did 3 years ago. I’ve moved on but he'll always be the sweetest piece of my life.

reposted - originally created November 2 2004