my curse?

i've always been afraid to love. and often, id tell them that i'm too afraid to get hurt... hell, whatta lie to cover something that started 6 years ago...

to start with, at that time, i'm with this guy. i'll just call him roy (he's the reason why i'm called raye... eheheh). he's nice and sweet. and i wouldn't mind telling you that well, i almost thought that he'd be the one... yep, the one. but a sudden twist came unexpectedly. he had an accident which took his life instantly. that's dead bf #1, who died october 24..

then, almost 4 years ago, i had another guy... sweet, funny, serious when needed. he's the only one my friends approve of... but then, he died. on another accident, with me. i know i wrote about him on one of my journals... the one titled "3 taon". that's his story. that's for nathan... dead bf #2, dead on the 25th of december.

and as for dead bf #3, well, he died june 26th this year. and hey, another accident. he died on his way to meet me... his mom hated me coz dhie's the only child she had. oh, she's also a widow. so, she's got no one left with her. how she hated me, blamed me for what happened to her son...

at the office, i told my colleagues to call me jynx. that's the way i felt back then. i'm jinxed... i even thought that i was cursed. maybe i am. maybe not. but then, who am i to know? ayt?

as days fly by quickly, i know i'd be in their tombs... on the date of their death, talking to them, as if they're still beside me...

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whew, i wanted to write something serious, but it ended sorta funny. hehe... guess i'll always think of 'em seriously but talk about them in a funny way...


reposted - originally created October 5 2005