Sentiments of a Forbidden Child

She was born out of foolishness, out of pleasure. She's not like the others who are born out of love. She was conceived coz they weren't careful... coz they allowed themselves to consummate their libido.

They were married... and she was given a name. The forbidden child now has two parents to look after her... to care for her. Years passed and she's got two younger siblings... no, make it three. The mother's currently pregnant.

The forbidden child grew up; feeling the false love her parents has for her. Why false love? Coz for every misfortune, for every problem that shatters the parent's marriage, she was being blamed. It wasn't put into surface until she reached her teens. At that age, she heard those words that caused her to question her own existence and the thing she called family.

"Kung hindi dahil sa'yo, hindi magiging kami!
Hindi sana ganito ang buhay ko!"

Such harsh words came from her parents' mouth. These words created confusion to the mind of the forbidden child. She started asking herself of her fault. Worse, she started to blame herself for the family's misfortune!

The forbidden child lived a difficult life... physical pain... emotional torments... sexual assaults. She sank deeper. She lost her self. She lost self-love... self-respect. She thought low of herself. She felt like nobody... co-existing with the people around her only to be hurt by them!

She's been alive for 20 years, and more than 7 months. But the problem's still there. She's still the same forbidden child her father detest, and her mother hated. She's still longing for the love and respect only those people can give. She's lost, knowing that she'll forever be the forbidden child.

And you know what? That forbidden child is me... Yep! Me!

reposted - originally created October 18 2004